The Shelby and The Saleen
by black dragon
Summary: This is a random brain fart that i had while taking a nap and watching Knight Rider. i must have been inhaling something to get this idea.
1. The Shelby and the Saleen

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**One shot **

**SHELBY AND SALEEN **

Billy Grime's Coffee Shop was just outside of San Diego about twenty minutes south; just about where people who live in Southern California often frequent going towards the main town. It was one of these mornings that Billy Grime's Coffee Shop also serves as a motel of sorts for people who could not make it home. Right now it frequents a rather tall man and his partner or partners if you include the 2008 Shelby Mustang GT 500 KR that is parked outside.

While the occupants are safely sleeping inside the Knight Industries Three Thousand also known as K.I.T.T. was peacefully recharging until a Police Interceptor pulled into the same parking lot. Instantly on alert Kitt turned on all sensors to this one.

For one thing the car is a Saleen Mustang police cruiser something that is more often used in Nevada instead of California or on the interstate between the two.

The second giveaway is the license plate which is from Nevada state and the number 643 on top.

Third giveaway is the little silver thing peeking its head around in the driver's side.

The mustang parked right next to the Shelby and the two did not say a word to each other…

That is until the little silver thing poked its head out of the window.

"Cccc….oast is cccccllllllleeeeeeaaaaaarrrrrr," said the silvery thing.

"Slag it Frenzy you are going to get us caught," whispered a voice that Kitt caught on was from the car itself.

It did look worse for wear; after all how many dents can one put into one police car.

"Oooonnnnlllyyy th…thing He..here is is…other..c.," the one dubbed 'Frenzy' replied

"I swear when ever we get off this dirtball you are getting that vocal processor fixed." Replied the Saleen

Kitt listened to the two banter at each other until a light was turned on from upstairs. His sensors on alert as someone started to head down with a shot gun.

It was time to intervene…

"I apologize if I am interrupting anything but someone is coming," Kitt said

The two instantly shut up right then and there.

When the man who came out with the gun quickly walked around the parking lot and then returned to his rooms.

When the light from his room was turned off the Saleen spoke up.

"Thanks…I guess," he said noticing that the Shelby had not symbol on it well anywhere visible.

"You're welcome," was the reply from the Shelby.

"Why are you helping us?" asked the Saleen

"I thought you could use some assistance since my partner is currently sleeping in the second room upstairs." Replied Kitt

It was the one called Frenzy who poked is head out again before getting out of the Saleen and ran all over the Shelby.

"Nnoottt Autttoobboott," was what he said to the Saleen.

"Are you a Decepticon?" asked the Saleen

"No, I am not this 'Decepticon' or what ever an Autobot is," replied the Shelby.

"Do you have a designation?" was the reply

"I am the Knight Industries Three Thousand, but you can call me K.I.T.T." said the Shelby.

"I am called Barricade this spitting little slagger is called Frenzy," he said moving a little in the direction of the silver mech looking at the soda machine.

"No caffeine!" the Saleen whispered harshly to the spastic little mech.

"Cccaaadddeeee nnnnnooooo fffffuuuunnnnn," replied Frenzy as he returned to the Saleen.

"So you are from here?" he said turning his attention back to the Shelby.

"Yes," was the reply

"How do you deal with humans in your interior I can barely stand it." Barricade asked

"You will get used to it unless they come in with something on their shoes…" said Kitt

"Or put food on the ground,,," said Barricade

"Or puke…"

"or"

"Or," they both said it at the same time

"HAVE SEXUAL INTERCORSE WHILE YOU'RE TRYING TO RECHARGE/SLEEP ON YOUR SEATS!"

Both said that last one together rather loudly, and the light was once again turned on while someone walked out to inspect the parking lot. Once again staring at the police car or what was a police car until he returned to his room.

"It was a good thing that the owner drank a lot of alcohol before this or else he could have shot you," said Kitt.

"Yeah," Barricade.

"So what did you mean when you asked me if I was an Autobot or a Decepticon?" asked Kitt

"I tried to access that information, but I do not have clearance to see it,"

"How about I give you access to it and you can see for your self," Barricade said and Frenzy leaped into the open window of the Shelby and uploaded the information as well as put in some new security into it.

"Ggggaaavvveee yyyyyooooouuuu uuuunnnnlllliiiiimmmiiiittttteeeedddd aaaaccceeeessss," was the reply before leaping back into the Saleen.

"My thanks," Kitt replied while accessing and found all the information.

When he was done he turned to the two.

"Your faction was bent on destruction of this planet in search of this 'Allspark'?" Kitt asked

"Yes that was the thing an earth year ago, but now the war is over," Barricade replied

"So what are you doing now?" Kitt asked out of curiosity

"Just wondering around trying to get buy; you know even with the mal-repair that I have been doing here and there." Barricade said

"That is too bad," Kitt said

"Hey you don't have any Energon would you?" he asked

"No I don't 90% of my fuel is solar while the other 10% is recycled fossil fuels the humans call gasoline." Kitt replied

They conversed for a few hours more.

By now the sun has begun to rise, and so were Kitt's drivers as the first a guy about 6'3 walked out. And a woman about 5'9 walked out towards the two cars.

"Holy shit! Where did this piece of shit come from," said the first a Michael Knight as he looked at the Saleen.

"This is Barricade and he is going to be our guest," said Kitt as he said it out loud.

"Whoa wait a second…guest?" said Michael,"

"Why yes, he will be staying with us until he and his partner are fully repaired and on their way," said Kitt feeling smug.

_This is going to be easy_

"Oh and how are you expecting us to taking him there?" replied the girl

"I can drive myself thank you fleshy," was the reply from the Saleen.

Both jumped at sound of the mustang talking.

"Ok I did not know my father made another computer," said the girl

"Nope I am not from this planet you stupid…"

"Insult them again and I will go back on my deal," said Kitt

"Oh alright," said Barricade

"Um Kitt who is your friend?" asked Michael a little nervous of the police car.

"This is Barricade and his partner Frenzy is the one who is terrorizing the soda machine of there," Kitt said and it was then that Barricade shouted.

"FRENZY GET YOUR AFT BACK IN HERE! AND NO CAFFEINE," he shouted to the smaller mech.

Michael leaped back as the small silvery robot leaped into the Saleen.

"Um did you clear it with headquarters first Kitt?" asked the woman Sarah Gaiman

"I did…well sort of," he said reluctantly.

"What do you mean sort of?" asked Sarah

"Well…I did tell the captain that I threaten to show everyone those photos and videos of him at the last party he went to," with that Kit showed images on his hood of a certain leader of the organization in his underwear stripping or strip dancing on a pole drunk in a bar.

The urge to puke was on Michael's mind at the moment, "Um where did you get that?" he said finally

"Oh I recorded it off the security camera when I was board one day," said Kitt

"Remind me not to insult you," said Michael.

"Don't worry I don't have anything on you just on your friend hehe," was the monotone reply.

"Ok let's get back it looks like our friend is leaking," said Sarah as she noticed the oil trail that Barricade seemed to leak.

The trail went onto the road and down a ways and it was then that Barricade looked rather sheepish.

"Oops," he said

"Well lets get him home and fixed then," said Sarah as they pulled out in Kitt with Barricade and Frenzy following.

----A FEW HOURS LATER----

When the doors to the hanger opened for Kit and he entered into the familiar hanger he did not go in first.

"You first Barricade for the tunnel only leads one way and when you get to the bottom make sure Frenzy does not do anything funny. I think the doctor wants to take a look at him for repairs as well," said Kitt

As the Saleen rolled down the long tunnel into the underground headquarters he suddenly wanted to turn around and run. But since the tunnel only goes one way he kept going with Kitt following.

When Barricade came to the bottom he was quickly surrounded by technicians as he entered a pad where it was big enough for a car.

"Try not to transform in here," said Kitt as he came up behind him.

"Michael what is this?" said Dr. Gaiman as he looked at the police car.

"Um dad meet Barricade and Frenzy," said Sarah

"Oh these are the guests that Kitt mentioned…and why did he mention alien robots into our facility?" he asked the two humans.

"They did not know of this I only just told them before we left," replied Kitt as he rolled up.

"So let me get this straight you want us to repair them? And why? They are after all on the most wanted list for the United States military." Said the head man in charge. ( I totally forgot his name)

"Well I think it would be cool to repair them," said the oriental girl next to them as she worked on Kitt's diagnostics and then moved on to the Saleen.

She had to work her way into certain parts to get to the problems.

The doctor on the other hand was rubbing his hands as he raised the hood and saw the amount of damage to the engine.

"Ok big guy looks like you are going to be a lot of work for me to do but I think I can do it," he said happy to have something else to do.

"You can't be serious!" said the head of Knight Industries.

"Oh don't bring up last year," said Dr. Gaiman and the man shut up.

---A FEW MONTHS LATER----

Kitt returned with Michael from another mission which was a success only to find a Saleen sitting at the entrance to the hanger. The Shelby stopped just as the Saleen drove up to it. Frenzy popped his head out of the Driver's side door and waved to the two humans in the seat.

"I feel better now," he said feeling his newly repaired head which no longer looked like something out of the chop shop.

Barricade looked like he does not have a dent on him in fact he looked brand new.

Transforming he looked down at them with red optics and Michael freaked at first.

"Please don't pee in me Michael," said Kitt

Luckily Mike did no such thing.

"Hey Kitt thanks for the repairs I feel better then ever!" Barricade said

"In fact under the code of Cybertron these guys especially you and the doc are under our protection. When I made contact with Starscream he gave his official head that this is a no touch zone. And you guys are untouchable so we won't have to worry about being on the wrong side," said a grateful Barricade.

"What about those so called 'Autobots'?" asked Kitt

"If Prime knows any better if he wants to get the best detail work possible then he better not try anything," he said and with that Barricade transformed and burned it out of there.

When they returned to head quarters on the other hand things are not as they seemed.

It looks like Frenzy did something to the computers.

"Um what is going on?" asked Sarah

"That little menace did me a favor and made us able to hack into any system regardless of firewalls and did something to Kitt's programming," said Billy who sat at the opposite seat to the Asian girl.

"Oh and what is that?" asked Michael

"Um.. well why don't you show them Kitt," said Billy

With that Kitt transformed in front of their eyes into a robot looking rather sheepish with his green optics.

"How the hell did he do that?" asked Dr. Gaiman

"Um he said he had something called an 'Allspark' Fragment that he had stolen from Mission City," replied a sheepish Kitt.

"OH god now we have to deal with a robot on our own," said Mike

When he and Sarah returned to his room some time later for some alone time however.

"MICHAEL WHAT IN GODS NAME DO YOU HAVE PICTURES OF THAT BITCH FROM IRAQ ALL NAKED IN HERE!"

The end


	2. The Shelby and the Camero

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**Oh I finally gotten the correction to Kitt's model it is a Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR not a GT500LX thanks to Google for that one. **

**THE SHELBY AND THE SALEEN**

**Part 2: The Shelby and the Camero**

Bumblebee was busy waiting for Sam to come out of school after all it was a Friday. And on Friday's usually he and Sam's two other friends Miles and Mikaela would join him and the other Autobots on the top of the look out for some fun time.

Well today was unusual for the Camero for as Bumblebee sat there reading over the latest Intel from the Decepticons he was surprised by the report.

_A no kill zone that is strange_ he thought

Well just as he was thinking it a black Ford mustang GT500KR pulled up.

It was not within the school parking lot so it was ignored at first. Well that is until Bumblebee picked up some rather strange signals coming from it.

Strange as the familiar Saleen Mustang police interceptor that pulled up next to it and flashed its lights in a friendly greeting before taking off slowly down the street.

Now that the war is over the only three Decepticons left on Earth never really bothered to leave.

That was strange even by Optimus's standards.

Well Bumblebee watched the Shelby anyways and he still had time considering that it was morning. The man that was supposed to be in the vehicle was not there as the black Shelby pulled up closer to the Camero.

It was then that Bumblebee noticed that the car had no insignia on it at all and no signature to indicate that it was on anyone's side.

After about twenty minutes Bumblebee decided to say something.

Opening his comm. to the strange car he had to ask.

"_Hello?"_

"_Hello Autobot Bumblebee nice to finally meet you," _

At this Bumblebee nearly jumped out of his shocks at the sound of the rather monotone yet pleasant voice that replied.

"_Are you an Autobot or a Decepticon?" _was the question

"_I am neither," _was the reply

"_What is you designation then and are you one of the vehicle's from Mission City?" _he asked

Just as the Shelby was about to reply a mother and their young child walked past the child left his mother's hand to look at the nice car. Well said child also was eating ice cream and smeared its sticky fingers all over the side of the car and smeared his cold sticky snack on the side of the Shelby. Bumblebee winced at that knowing the feeling.

"_That must be rather cold isn't it?" _Bumblebee asked

"_Yes it is and I am rather lost trying to find a car wash to get the other disgusting substance off of me," _replied the Shelby

"_Why didn't you ask Barricade?" _was the reply from Bumblebee

"_Barricade is preoccupied at the moment with a human driver in his interior. I on the other hand left mine for some peace and quiet more on his part then mine." _the Shelby replied

Bumblebee was confused at that motion as he suddenly picked up something warm and smelly on his front grill. Nearly transforming in disgust at the stray dog that left its mark on his grill Bumblebee left a quick text to Sam that he would be back in time to pick him up as he slowly pulled out of the parking lot.

The Shelby waited for him as the two sat next to each other.

"_I know a spot where we can both get a good bath," _with that Bumblebee took off and the Shelby followed

"_Do they do interior's too?" _asked the Shelby as he followed

"_They do everything," _replied Bumblebee as they drove some ways out of the main town towards a small little Auto shop that looked rather run down but still in good use.

Tony Banes uncle to Mikaela Banes worked at this Auto shop and knew about the Autobots that frequent this place.

Thanks to the Hummer that made residence here.

Ratchet was out at the moment when Bumblebee pulled up with the Shelby and by the smell of both cars Tony whistled.

"What the dog pissed on you again Bumblebee?" Tony said good humored

"Unfortunately yes," said Bumblebee

"Who is your sexy friend?" Tony asked

It was then that the Shelby finally said his name…

"I am the Knight Industries Three Thousand but you can call me K.I.T.T." was the reply from the Shelby.

"Whoa Knight Industries I've used to work for them as a repair man. Damn I thought they kept that Trans Am?" asked Tony as he popped open his bottle of Car Wash and wax and began to work on Bumblebee first.

"Two Thousand is no longer functioning due to lack of updating." Said Kitt in a sad tone

"Sorry to hear that," said Tony as he finished cleaning Bumblebee's exterior leaving the Camero to be shinny with his new finish. He then moved on to the interior and while he was at it kept talking to Kitt.

"So does the new Knight Rider still leave smelly shoes in you?" he asked

"Thank the stars above no but he does use me for interrogation purposes," Kitt replied

"Oh how so?" asked Tony

"Well he uses my diagnostics bed as a torture device for someone who does not want to talk and well they puke all over my consul." Kitt said shivering slightly as Tony finished cleaning Bumblebee's interior.

"Damn! I told Sam a thousand times to tell Miles stop putting gum under your seats. Stupid kid," said Tony as he got the last of the gum that was stuck under the seat.

Bumblebee sighed as the last of the gum was removed.

"Now I feel less well gross," Bumblebee replied as Tony fished out a bag full of something smelling like it has been in there for years.

"My bio sensors indicate…is that dog feces," Kitt asked at Tony brought out a scrubber to clean the seats.

"Unfortunately yes but at least this is not Chihuahua feces since Mojo knows better," replied Bumblebee

Seeing the size of the pile Kitt visibly winced as Tony finished cleaning the mess.

"So 'Bee I guess you had to transport Mile's dog to the vet again am I right?" asked Tony.

"Yes,"

"Ouch I pity you man," was the reply from the human as he finished.

Kitt remained quiet as he listen in to Michael and Sarah's little conversation about plans for their vacation. If he were human Kitt would have chuckled at the thought who was the mastermind behind that.

"I heard that Shelby boy now want to share your thoughts with us?" asked Tony

"I could not help but give Michael Jr. a vacation that he desperately needs," Kitt said

"Oh and what is with the name Jr.? I guess I am that much out of the loop then I thought." Tony said

"Michael Knight the one who is my driver is the son of the original Michael Knight driver of the original Kitt. He had gotten laid at a beach just outside of Long Beach California I got the video from the original Kitt to prove it." Replied Kitt

"Too much information dude," Tony protested

"Sorry I could not help it I also got some good black mail on the boss so he had to let my driver take a break. The guy is a slave driver to the core and even my systems were over worked because of it," was the reply from the Shelby.

"So what can you do other then you know go turbo and stuff?" asked Tony as he finished cleaning Bumblebee.

An internet browser appeared on Kitt's hood with a touch screen interface. Tony whistled at that and the fact that this Kitt transformed into different cars including a 4x4 pickup and a phoenix police cruiser. The funniest part was when he finally went to robot mode and looked down with rather sheepish green optics.

"Holy shit! How did that happen?" asked Tony

"A Decepticon named Frenzy decided to repay me with some thing called and Allspark fragment a few weeks ago and now I look like this. Though I prefer to remain in my normal mode thank you," with that Kitt transformed back into a car.

"That is understandable," said Bumblebee as Tony finally did the finishing touches to Bumblebee's interior with pulling out an old playboy magazine.

"I guess Sam's uncle Charles does have some strange taste in women that are now 40," he said looking at the year the magazine was made.

"Yes and sometimes I wish Miles would not use me as his place of Happiness," Bee replied as Tony pulled out the numerous condoms.

"Does your human partner know of this?" asked Kitt

"Yes he does and told his friend hundreds of times that I am not some random car you go ejaculating in but still Miles won't listen," Bumblebee sighed on his shocks.

"Well that is the last of it Bumblebee," he said and moved on to Kitt.

Tony did not take as long to clean Kitt as he had done to Bumblebee.

"Hey how come you are not as dirty on the inside as me?" asked Bumblebee

"That is because Michael gets shouted at from Sarah's father if he dirties my interior. He is a major car freak after all and decided to build me with a sexier look then my predecessor," Kitt replied

"Sexy? Well that is the first time I've heard any of you guys say something like that," Tony replied

"As long as they don't actually have sex in my interior, in other words 'look but don't touch'," Kitt replied

When Tony finished and gave Kitt a once over then the two cars headed towards the high school again.

"Hey thanks for hanging out with me," said Bumblebee as he parked right in his parking spot again.

It was then the bell rang and all the students filed out.

Sam walked up to his car and noticed the new wax job.

"Went to Tony's again 'Bee?" Sam asked as he got in.

"Yes and Kitt was a great company indeed," Bee replied

"Kitt?"

Just as Sam said this Trent the school bully walked up to a black Mustang Shelby that was sitting just outside the parking lot as well. There were some things said and it was then that Sam noticed Trent pull down his pants.

"Dude he is not thinking what I think he is thinking does he?" Miles asked as he walked up to Sam.

"OH this is going to be good," Bee said and the two boys stared at him when suddenly.

The car squirted Trent with something white and shinny all over him.

Hearing the many curse words that came from Trent's mouth the boys stayed in Bee laughing as the said Shelby honked its horn before driving off.

"Rule number one don't pee on another person's car especially if that said car was an advanced super computer," Bee said and the boys looked at him confused as the Autobot drove off towards home.


	3. The Shelby and the Hummer

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**Oh I finally gotten the correction to Kitt's model it is a Ford Mustang Shelby GT500KR not a GT500LX thanks to Google for that one. **

**THE SHELBY AND THE SALEEN**

**Part 3: The Shelby and the Hummer**

"Now why are you reading that thing Ratchet?" asked Dr. Gaiman as he looked under the hood of the H2 Rescue hummer.

Ratchet was currently in the Kitt cave getting some much needed maintenance from the old doc. None of the other Autobots knew anything about maintenance and repairs very well; only patching battle wounds on the spot. Ratchet was the only qualified medic, and being the only one no one could repair him.

It was by luck that he ran into the black Shelby Mustang on the side there doing his own diagnostics. That in turn led him here and to a very reluctant but willing Dr. Gaiman and his team.

"You know humans are strange when it comes to courting. Majority of the sites on their world wide web are dedicated to the process of reproduction and mating." Ratchet said as he looked through thousands of websites per-minute.

Gaiman sighed, "Well Mr. Ratchet you better watch those sites a lot of them have viruses."

"My firewalls are way more advanced then any human virus," Ratchet replied as he skimmed through them.

"Looks like we have a horny little hummer eh Doc," said Michael Knight as he walked in with a soda in hand and sweat on his shirt.

"Michael do not touch my hood with your sticky hands," Kitt warned him with a slap from his windshield wiper.

Mike backed off, "Ok loving the paint job thought," Mike said to Ratchet.

"Careful from what I heard he has a good throwing arm," said Kitt in reply.

Just then Sarah walked in with a bag full of stuff and place them on the table next to Ratchet.

"What the hell is with all the stuff?" Mike asked Sarah.

"Ratchet requires some medical supplies since some of his is out of stock. So I asked Sarah to go to a hospital and hardware store and try restocking some of the medial supplies that Ratchet ran out of," Kitt replied.

"Ok smart ass what sort of thing a hummer that does not exist needs?" asked Mike

"Let's see," said Sarah

"One socket wrench set I got the biggest set they had, um let's see hack saws, an electric chain saw that you can attach to your arm with replacement blades. Gauze, Band-Aids, some human supplies oh and my favorite ones the wrench set and the blow torches," she said holding up said devices.

From the looks of it more like torture devices. Michael looked more then ready to run when Sarah placed them in Ratchet's interior along with all the other scary tools in there.

"Ok pal I need you to transform for me so I can check out your other systems," said Dr Gaiman as Ratchet transformed in the new Cybertronian repair bay.

When Ratchet did so Dr. Gaiman looked at other areas and did minor repairs here and there. But the thing that interested him the most was the cable between his legs.

"Do I really want to know what that is?" he asked

"I think that is the robot version of a dick doc," said Mike and that earned him a slap in the back of the head and something thrown from the direction of said robot.

Mike looked down at the thing that landed on the ground and then at the bruise on his head.

Dr. Gaiman has pretty good aim.

Something hit him from behind like someone whipped him and he turned to find an innocent looking Sarah.

"Don't look at me I didn't do it," she said with a smile that showed that she was telling the truth.

Mike only glared at her as he turned his attention to the two other techs in the room but they looked too busy to really be the culprits.

He turned his gaze towards the head of the organization only to find that he was up on the second floor busy talking to the FBI agent.

Slowly Mike turned his gaze towards Ratchet but Ratchet was still being repaired for minor injuries that was not able to be treated.

So that left…

"Well I guess you're not so dumb after all." Kitt said as he turned his gaze slowly to him and saw that the windshield wiper was still sweeping across his wind shield slowly.

Mike rubbed his rear end at the pain and welt that was surely there.

"Oh don't look at me like that! I always wanted to try that," said Kitt

Mike backed away from the car and ran out of the room muttering about gay cars.

Kitt if he was in his bot form would have chuckled.

"Now why did you do that Kitt," asked Sarah

"I don't know Ratchet showed me something that said that human males like it when human females hit their rear ends; as a means of either friendship or attraction to him or her. So I just wanted to try it out," Kitt replied

"Besides he did say that both you and Michael were fighting again so I gave him that as a suggestion," Ratchet said

"Ratchet you have been reading Billy's porn haven't you," said Dr. Gaiman

"Well it was interesting read," Ratchet said

"Um Kitt you do realize that if a male does that it means their gay," Sarah said to the Shelby

"Oops I did not know that," Ratchet said while still looking up some rather interesting photos on anatomy.

"Um dude how about I introduce you to some real reading," said Billy as he pulled up some medical sites.


	4. The Shelby and the Topkick

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**Warning OCC on Ironhide's character**

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 4: The Shelby and the Topkick**

Ironhide was board and that usually means he tends to go into recharge.

The reason for his boredom was he was at the grocery store with Capt. Lennox and his family.

Will Lennox was short on many supplies that humans need to survive, as well as that of his animals.

And since Ironhide was board he tends to go into recharge.

While Ironhide was recharging a black Ford F-150 4x4 pickup truck pulled up to the store. Ironhide's scanners turned on automatically as a young man exited the vehicle and walked into the store.

Immediately the scanner picked up the tell tale signs of a Cybertronian right next to him. Even in recharge and out of habit Ironhide is always on alert. So when the alarm went off Ironhide out of reflex scanned for any signs of Decepticons but found none; not even an Autobot.

The Cybertronian must be a mistake from Mission City he was getting a bit of that lately. The last one was that X-box and soda machine that he had met a while ago; both of them in new homes and living happily.

In the meantime this one did not move. Ironhide opened his awareness to full as he tiredly woke from recharge and turned his scanners to the truck next to him.

The truck was black just like him as he was a GMC Topkick this one was a F-150 not that big compared to the Topkick. It was black with no signs of moving. Yet the signals were present and Ironhide examined this neutral. The same neutral did not move as he continued to look innocent.

"I know you can here me," he growled and the truck made a strange sound to acknowledge him.

"I will not speak to you in this public place, for now so meet me at the Lennox farm at sundown I am sure your GPS knows the way," said Ironhide and the truck next to him made another nose to say that he had been heard.

It was only a half an hour more of silence before William Lennox stepped out of the store with his wife and little Annabelle. As they entered the vehicle Michael stepped out of the store.

In his hand was several groceries and some other things he will need for the journey home.

As he entered Kitt the truck started up and pulled out of the parking lot in the opposite direction of the Topkick.

"Michael may I make a suggestion?" Kitt asked

"What is it Kitt because if it is because of my choice of food…" Mike implied

"It has nothing to do with your intake of nutrients. I just wanted to know if it were possible for me to go to the Lennox Farm at around Sundown?" Kitt asked

"Why is that?" asked Mike

"Simple a GMC Topkick asked me to go there at sundown," was the reply.

"Ok…" Mike said

"Is that a positive feedback or negative," Kitt suggested

"Negative," said Mike since he did not like the idea of Kitt going off by himself.

----LATER THAT DAY----

Without anyone knowing Kitt rolled out after disguising himself and making sure that the base was empty before hacking his way out of the headquarters.

When he arrived at the designated zone Kitt was met by the Topkick and since the road to the Lennox farm was dirt and gravel he had to revert to his 4x4 mode. Since he met the Topkick that way he remained that way till he finally met him at the farm.

When the turned into the home he was met by a man armed with a rather large gun and a rather large robot.

"Alright you transform now or I will be forced to use deadly force." Said the human and Kitt slowly backed up and reverted back to his original mode before transforming.

When he stood before both the Topkick and the human he looked rather embarrassed.

"I apologized if my acting at the store was rather rude on your part." Kitt said as he bowed low to show at least some sort of respect.

"Well you certainly are no Decepticon that is for sure," said the robot and the human put down his gun.

"I don't see him resembling and Autobot," replied the human.

"I am neither let me introduce myself I am the Knight Industries Three Thousand; but you can call me Kitt," replied the Shelby.

"So you are man made?" Lennox asked

"Yes I was designed by a man named Gaiman," said Kitt.

"Hey man sorry for accusing you names Ironhide," he said showing off his cannons.

"Clint Eastwood?" Kitt asked

"Yeah, you like Clint Eastwood?" Ironhide replied

"He is one of my favorite Western heroes," Kitt replied

Ironhide beamed at the thought of someone other then he and Lennox who likes westerns.

"Well in that case why don't you and I share some high grade and Lennox here share a beer while we watch a few movies. Which one is your favorite?" asked Ironhide

---A FEW HOURS LATER----

"You can't be serious?" said a staggering Lennox as he heard Kitt's story.

"Yep I have it all on tape too," said a drunken Kitt

"I wish I had that kind of BS on my boss can I watch it at least," said Ironhide

The room went dark again as Kitt activated his downloading system as they watched some interesting things about his boss. Laughing after drinking a few barrels of high grade and some beer all three men of the house laughed their heads off. Sarah, Lennox's wife was currently out of town with his child visiting relatives.

Kitt also showed them some other movies he downloaded including one of a boy who turns into a car if something of a certain temperature touches him; such as ice cream or hot fudge.

Drinking his own high grade Kitt was feeling rather good as the night wore on.

_If this is what it means to be drunk then I must remember not to drink that much again,_ he thought.

The car itself stumbled out of the barn a few hours later laughing like an idiot as he transformed and drove like an idiot all the way home.

Ironhide and Will were both passed out on the hay of the barn unaware of the various pen/paint marks on their face made in pink. The horse manure smeared on them from their wrestling game or the smell of rotten eggs on the walls.

---THE NEXT MORNING---

"Hey Kitt," said Sarah as she walked up to the Shelby but got no response.

"Kitt?" she asked as she came closer.

Normally Kitt would have all systems operational by now and would be up as early as Sarah. But this time the Shelby did not even budge nor say his usual greeting. Instead the strange sounds of something coming from the car got her attention. Leaning in closer she could make out the sounds of someone snoring.

Surprised she opened the door to find no one there and the sound of Kitt snoring on the speakers.

Now that earned a surprise from Sarah as she leaned in and the smell that hit her nose was astronomical. Kitt reeked of something out of a swamp and the smell of alcohol was high in the air.

"Hey Sarah," said Mike as he and Sarah's father entered the room.

What hit there noses was not something anyone could have imagined.

"What the hell is that smell?" asked Mike

"Smells like alcohol," said Dr. Gaiman.

"I believe it is and guess who it is coming from?" Sarah said glaring at the Shelby.

Mike and Dr. Gaiman both leaned in and the sounds of snoring filled their ears.

"Is he snoring?" asked Mike

"Yes and it smells like he has been through a swamp or worse yet the garbage." Dr. Gaiman replied his face full of disgust.

It was then that the platform started to move and everyone moved out of the way as the Shelby continued to snore while the car was on its side.

It was also then when the rest of the staff walked in.

When the sight of the normally right side up car on its side and snoring with the smell of garbage and alcohol in the air they knew that something was up. As he walked up to the car the car rolled over again on its other side snoring.

It was ten that something fell out of Kitt's cab something shaped like a cube.

"Um I would not touch that," said Mike when Billy went to pick it up.

"Why?" asked Billy

"Because I recognize that cube as something the Cybertronians use to drink their fuel from," said Mike as he walked over to the key pad and dialed a number.

It was then that the face of the Medic Ratchet appeared.

"May I assist you with something Michael Knight?" he asked

"Yes, do you know the contents of this cube because it made Kitt in this state," he said and everyone moved out of the way.

It was something that was unexpected of the car.

"I believe my dear friend that Kitt had just consumed High Grade Energon which is our equivalent to whiskey as you can say," he said

Now everyone in the room was shocked even when said car turned over again on its hood. Luckily on his rotating pad the car is bolted down.

Now that Ratchet said that he also gave this advice, "I would let him sleep it off if I were you for there is no way to wake him until he does considering he is an earth made machine not a Cybertronian," he said

"Thanks Ratchet," said Mike as he cut the connection.

---FIVE HOURS LATER---

It was by then that said car began to come out of his stupor righting himself up he gave a groan of pain.

Mike smirked when he heard Kitt groan.

"Hey buddy how does it feel to get drunk?" he asked

"Go away Michael my processor hurts," complained the Shelby

"Well that is what you get from drinking last night eh," he teased the car giving it a pat.

"Don't do that please that hurts," Kitt complained.

"Well 'welcome to the world of hangovers' bud," Mike replied

TBC


	5. The Shelby and the Scorponok

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 5: The Shelby and the Scorponok**

Mike stared

Mike stared some more

The thing that is currently watching them from the desert of Nevada is what he can say

_**HUGE!**_

Ok more then huge

Kitt is currently between him and the thing that accidentally broke through the road looking confused as it sent a ping towards Kitt.

"I think it is trying to establish contact with us, or more preferably _me_," Kitt replied

At the moment the scorpion-like thing just stared at them and pinged them again and this time Kitt replied. The thing skittered up to the car and began to rub his head against Kitt's door purring like a cat.

"Um Kitt I think you should do something," said Mike

"I don't think me shooting at it will do any good," Kitt replied

Mike looked at the battered thing, and the broken tail at the end, and saw that Kitt was just as confused as he was.

"Please get out of the car Mike," replied Kitt as the said human did so.

When Mike got out of the car Kitt transformed into his bipedal mode and the said scorpion leaped onto him yelling all sort of happy noises.

"Mike what the hell is going on out there?" yelled Alex (I finally found out the guy's name)

"Um…. well Kitt has an admirer," said Mike and showed them the video.

---SSC---

Alex wanted so badly to fall over laughing at the site of Kitt being bombarded with love from a scorpion.

He had to keep his composure after all.

It was then that Zoe (I had to look up the names of the characters) looked over at that scorpion.

"Hey he looks familiar," she said and ran a file on that particular one and found out who he is.

"According to this his name is Scorponok a Decepticon Drone who was responsible for the destruction of Soccent base in Qatar." She said and it was Mike who answered

"This damn thing came from Iraq?" he asked

"Yes, it appears so and it also appears as if Kitt has an admirer." With that everyone in the room burst into laughter.

---MEANWHILE---

"Michael get this thing off of me," Kitt said as he tried to get Scorponok off of him.

"Awe come on Kitt he likes you," Mike said.

"And how to I react to that?" asked Kitt

"Well give him a hug," Mike said.

Kitt had to look up the definition of hug and wrapped his arms around the scorpion.

Scorponok stiffened but returned the gesture with a sound that was similar to an 'Ah', and snuggled into Kitt's chassis. Rubbing his back up and down Kitt held him till the sounds of someone sleeping alerted the Mustang to the sounds of Scorponok sleeping. Looking closer Kitt could see that Scorponok has one of his legs in his mandibles sucking sounds could be heard.

"Aw I think he is just a baby," Mike said as Kitt gently placed him down on the ground.

"Michael please remind me not to have any babies," Kitt replied

It was sometime later that a large Peterbuilt big rig pulled up and had a trailer behind it. Kitt carefully loaded the sleeping Scorponok in the pile of hay behind it and had something offered to him to give the scorpion. It was a plushy of said scorpion and he snuggled even more this time sucking on his pincers. The man in the truck came out looking like he was from the MIB (MEN IN BLACK) well when that was done the rig drove away.

When the said thing was gone Kitt looked rather sheepish.

"What's wrong buddy?" asked Mike

"Well I hate to say this but I think he did what you humans refer to as, 'Poop' on me,"

TBC


	6. The Shelby and the Peterbuilt

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**p.s. i finally gotten the last name of both Sarah and her father right. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 4: The Shelby and the Peterbuilt **

Optimus Prime enjoys a good road trip and this day was no different.

He was currently hauling a few cars, one of them happens to be a Shelby Mustang GT500KR named Kitt.

The said Mustang was sleeping in the back with the rest of the cars.

In his cab was his partner Michael Knight he too was sleeping. Optimus just managed to catch them on their way back to headquarters from another mission. Country music was playing on the radio but in low volumes as Optimus drove past the many cars along the way.

"Thanks for giving us a ride," Mike said waking up.

Next to Mike was a young man about his late teens. Samuel Witwicky was currently at the wheel pretending to be driving. They are currently heading back to Nevada so Optimus was glad to take them most of the way seeing as Kitt was out of it right now.

"He is rather tired isn't he," Optimus said showing them all a video of Kitt.

"Yeah we had a long mission and Kitt used every resource available to track down the latest criminal." Mike replied as Optimus stopped at a nearby gas station for Sam and Mike to use the bathroom.

When they were going again with sandwiches in hand at least Mike and Sam kept Optimus clean. Mike remembers the first time he did not do so in Kitt. He does not want to repeat having his face in the glass.

As they began their journey along the road again Sam and Optimus began to discuss the differences in sexual relationships between the species.

"So you guys go chest to chest like guys?" Sam asked

"Sharing our sparks is like how you humans do when sharing souls as the simplest explanation. We do have parts for interfacing which is like how humans have sex since it is in the same area." Optimus replied to Sam.

"Ah I seem to understand now," Sam replied as he lied back

"How is the situation with Miles and Bumblebee?" Optimus said

"Oh don't remind me I chewed Miles out again when I found my uncle's porn under his seats again." Sam said

It was then that something picked up and Optimus opened up the communications channel to reveal Alex.

"Ah Michael I see you are on your way back," he said

"Yeah Optimus here has been kind enough to give us a ride while Kitt is in back sleeping as it would seem," Mike replied

"Ah is that supposed to happen?" asked Alex

"Cybertronians require the same amount of recharge that humans do every three orns which is equivalent to a human day. So being as Kitt is now an equivalent to a new born sparkling he requires the same amount of time and frequent amount of time recharging as a human would." Was Optimus's reply

Sam had a hard time holding his face as he tried not to laugh out loud. Michael caught on to what Sam is talking about when Alex became very serious.

"Mike what is so funny?" he asked

"Oh nothing except did you have someone over last night?" Mike asked snickering

"Why?" Alex asked

"Because you have makeup all over your face," was Sam's reply as both he and Mike began laughing.

A deep rumble was heard and felt as Optimus too joined in the fun (I just love teasing the guy)

"Makeup?" Alex asked as he turned around and everyone in the control center stared roaring with laughter.

Alex asked Agent Rivai (that is how I heard her name being said) for a mirror and it was Zoe who produced one. When he looked at his face a look of pure horror was shown and he quickly glared at all the techs before he ran out of the room.

"Ok whose idea was that?" asked Mike

No one said a word.

"Ah come on guys I mean someone has to have something?" Mike asked again

"Um Mike the person whose idea it came from is currently sleeping behind you," said Dr. Gaiman

Mike looked in the rear view mirror at the recharging Kitt.

"Whose idea was to give Kitt a program on pranking?" Mike asked

"I believe that Kitt himself did so," Optimus replied

"How so big guy," asked Sam

"He became alive after Frenzy gave him the Allspark fragment to become one of us," Optimus said

"So in other words he no longer works on logic but on what he feels like doing?" asked Billy from the other end.

"Yes and from the looks of it he is snoring," said Zoe showing them a picture of Kitt snoring behind the rig.

Mike tried not to laugh as Kitt continued to sleep.

"You know if he was awake he would be sucking his thumb again like I have caught him doing," said Sarah as she entered the main room.

"Um hey Dr. Graiman how do you react to a mustang chasing around other cars?" asked Mike

"Why?" asked Sarah

"Because I spent more time trying to keep Kitt on task then doing the mission because he kept chasing after other cars like a dog," Mike said

"What kind of cars?" asked Sarah

"Well there was the Ferrari then I had to get a motorcycle to chase him because he went after a Lotus and then a Lamborghini."

Sarah thought about it before starting to laugh.

"What?" Mike asked

"Mike did it ever occur to you that Kitt might be checking out other cars because he is like a normal guy chasing chicks," Sarah said and Sam started laughing at that one.

"Kitt was chasing chicks? He must be horny," he said

"Um Samuel I think Kitt is trying to sort out his feelings and impulses now that he has a spark. He was just a computer in the beginning but after becoming a transformer like us he is trying to sort out his impulses. All younglings go through it," Optimus said

"Um what is Kitt doing?" asked Zoe

Both occupants of the big rig turned their heads to stare at the sight of the Shelby rubbing his front bumper against a corvette muttering something but the sounds of snores made them all laugh.

"Oh I so have black mail on that guy," said Mike as he downloaded the images to his minicomputer.

He had made sure that Kitt can't access it.

He also stored the other files he had on the Shelby as he leaned back.

"What are you doing?" Sarah asked

"Well I am just as tired as Kitt and I am going into Optimus's cab and going to sleep." Mike said getting up and moving to the back.

Sam just waved before he signed off.

Sam and Optimus continued their long trek and it was apparent that the two snoring occupants are not getting up any time soon.

"Hey Optimus,"

"Yes Sam?"

"Um…how do you deal with a car that likes to butt into your sex life?" he asked

"Is Bumblebee doing that to you?" he asked

"No 'Bee is fine I meant Kitt from what I heard he loves to ask questions about personal life," Sam asked

"Sam, Kitt is just curious as long as he does not go too far then that is alright."

"Um Optimus from what Ratchet told me he already did,"

"Oh and what did he say to the doctor," Optimus replied

Sam played back the feed he had gotten from Ratchet including the feedback that Kitt asked and demonstrated.

"Oh my!"

TBC

**Sorry this one is not as funny as the rest but my brain is half asleep as I wrote this. **

**SORRY!**


	7. The Shelby and the Saleen 2

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**One shot **

**SHELBY AND SALEEN **

**Part 7: The Shelby and the Saleen part 2**

Barricade for the most part was laughing his aft off.

Kitt the Shelby Mustang just painted the weapons specialist in cow shit and pen marks.

Barricade could not be more proud.

However he soon had to high tail it out of there when Ironhide began to wake.

As soon as he and Frenzy was well out of range both began to laugh hysterically.

"The look on old 'Iron aft,' is priceless," Frenzy said producing pictures

"But it did not help that you had to paint him hot pink and green with that transmitter that continued to play the Barney theme song in his audios." Barricade replied

They were on the highway again well enough away from Ironhide and Lennox as possible before they woke from their drunken stupor.

----THREE DAYS LATER HALLOWEEN-----

Kitt was busy doing doughnuts in the hot desert just enjoying his day when a familiar Saleen pulled up. Frenzy ran up to Kitt and gave him a big hug around the front bumper.

Kitt feeling rather embarrassed turned his color red while Barricade laughed at his expense.

"I did not know you could change colors?" he said

"I can change both my colors and my appearance watch," said Kitt and transformed into a truck, a van and a familiar Saleen Mustang.

"Cool!" said Frenzy as he admired the exact copy of Barricade.

Barricade transformed and Kitt returned to his familiar form before transforming into robot mode.

"A master of disguise eh," Barricade said

"Yes," said Kitt

"I have an idea,"

-----THAT AFTERNOON-----

Mike was heading back towards base in Dr. Graiman's car since Kitt is not available at the moment. As he drove he saw a police car trailing him from behind. Looking at the speedometer Mike cursed for he was used to driving Kitt and they could outrun the cops any day. But in this old beater of a car he had no chance of escaping the cops.

Pulling over Mike waited for the police officer to exit his vehicle.

When he did he walked over to Mike. He was a big African-American man with a balding head and a permanently angry look on his face.

Mike did not like the look the cop was giving him as he walked up to car.

"What can I do for you officer?" Mike asked

"Did you know how fast you were driving?" the officer asked

"Um how fast was I driving?" Mike said trying to play it cool.

"You were doing 120 in a 75 zone," the officer said

"Sorry about that I am used to driving my other car," Mike said

"I am sure you are aware that I have to write you up right?" he said.

"Yes," Mike asked

"The officer walked away towards his patrol car that looks rather familiar. Mike could not see what the sides say because all the patrol cars in this region are the same model. The officer was calling in the station to run a license plate number off of Mike's car. Mike cursed as the officer came back,

"I'm sorry sir but can I see your license again?" he asked

Mike brought out his license and showed it to the patrol officer.

"Sir this car is not registered to you," he said

"My girlfriend's father loaned it to me until my car is fixed," Mike tried to lie to the cop.

"What was wrong with it heavy on the gas and got into a car crash?" the officer said

"No,"

"Bad brakes,"

"No,"

"Did not tune it up properly,"

"No,"

"Then what is wrong with your car,"

"It was stolen," Mike finally said trying to sound convincing

"Stolen?" the officer said

"Yes, stolen," Mike said

"Son you just told me that the car was in the shop getting fix now are you going to tell me the truth or do I have to take you in," the officer said

"Look I am looking for my car ok? Happy," Mike said

"Son I am going to have to ask you to step out of the vehicle," the officer said

Mike was now shocked as he stepped out and the officer patted him down.

The officer pulled out something from his pocket and looked at it.

"It seems boys that our man here is a Mr. Knight wow last time I heard knights don't exist anymore," the officer said

Mike turned on the cop and finally read his badge.

**Harold Cade**

Now Mike was staring at the officer when something came bounding out of the car.

It was a dog a rather large dog.

A normal police dog...

The dog walked up to Mike and began to sniff him for any drugs. The police officer let the dog sniff him before it lifted his leg and…

"No! Bad boy! Get in the car,"

Now the said dog lifted his leg and let loose a yellow stream of golden liquid onto Mike's leg. The said dog then ran back to the car and leaped in just as another car pulled up looking exactly like the first. Mike stared at the two cars for a minute till he saw the back part of the second car that said, "_To punish and enslave," _now since both cars had this Mike had this suspicious feeling that he saw the car before.

The officer finished writing his ticket before walking over to his car.

Mike looked down at the ticket and gasped…

It was a ticket to a car wash and human male spa.

There was a picture of a busty lady wearing a saloon outfit carrying some beer and a whip. Next to it was written in western font, "_Rebecca's House of Midnight Fun," _there was an add for two on the ticket since it is a two person ticket.

Mike turned to face the officers when he found them both gone.

Too stunned to hear their engines of departure he walked over to the car and got in. He started the engine and drove off to headquarters.

----AFTER EPISODE 6----

**(THIS IS AFTER THE HOLLOWEEN EPISODE OF KNIGHT RIDER)**

Sarah Graiman stared at the ticket and at Mike as they both looked at it. After examining it they found that it indeed authentic however it was not a house of sex it was a museum of wax that they went to. Instead of things that relate to sexual intercourse it showed erotic artworks from different artists.

Mike was now ready to shoot someone

----MEANWHILE----

Kitt, Barricade and Frenzy were rolling on the private comm. that Frenzy set up with the Shelby

_I can't believe they fell for that one_

Kitt tried not to roll over laughing at the sight of that. Both Mike and Sarah's faces were priceless.

_I do believe we have to thank you for that idea Barricade_ Kitt said to him

_Hey I was the one who found the place_ Frenzy replied

_Indeed you did my friend after all it was you that found that information_ Kitt replied

Mike in the meantime was not pleased to see that it was a wax museum he so wanted to take Sarah to a special place for the two of them.

"This has to be some sort of sick joke that cop did to you Mike," Billy said

He remembered when Mike came back that he smelled like Dog piss and something else.

_I must say Barricade that the part where Frenzy comes out of the car in his holographic form and pees on Mike was the best part of the joke. _Kitt said on the comm.

_Actually that was not part of the plan Frenzy just did not want to sit in the car, _was the reply

_Hey I just wanted to have some fun_

In the meantime Agent Ravai walked in.

"I analyzed the names of all the police officers just for the hell of it and there is no Harold Cade so I run different references throughout the police data bases in the nation. This is what I came up with," said the FBI agent as she inputted the data into the computer.

The image of a mustached man appeared with the name on the bottom that had Mike's eyes bugging out of their sockets.

**Name: Lt. Barry Cade**

**District: Las Vegas/Reno**

**City: Tranquility **

**Rank: Patrol Officer**

**Vehicle Number: 643**

**Officer was last scene doing a routine patrol before disappearing nearly a year ago his car and his body have never been recovered. **

"Barry Cade?" he said and then it clicked in his head…

_Harold Cade shorten that to Harry Cade and change the name from Harry to Barry and you get…_

"**BARRICADE!**"

By now Kitt lost it and started laughing his tires off as he could not hold it any longer.

Mike turned to Kitt

"What is so funny about this?" he asked the Shelby

"Happy Halloween Mike,"

TBC


	8. The Shelby and the F22

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**One shot **

**THE SHELBY AND SALEEN **

**Part 8: The Shelby and the F-22 **

Starscream had his back against an old air plane hanger with arms across the back of his head and just relaxing. The sun was high in the sky but the air was frigid cold.

The F-22 Raptor just smiled to himself as he stood ready to give a long stretch.

_Megatron is long gone so I can finally relax for once_ he thought to himself as he laid there staring at the sky.

"War is finally over and I am long overdue for a vacation," he said out loud

Just then a dark vehicle approached the hanger, and Starscream was instantly alert for anyone to bother him from his relax time. Drawing his gun out he waited.

Just then a Shelby mustang pulled up to him and transformed into a much smaller bot.

Starscream looked for the Autobot symbol just out of habit but found none.

Kitt just leaned against the building and relaxed. The radio played in the distance as Starscream regarded the smaller vehicle.

"So…" he said

"So…" stated the smaller bot

"What's your designation?" Starscream said starting casual conversation

"I am the Knight Industries Three Thousand but you can call me K.I.T.T." was the reply

"Strange name for a human made car but I don't care. Nice to meet you by the way," Starscream said as he leaned against the building.

Kitt did the same and said nothing for a while longer.

"Um I did not get your designation?" Kitt said starting things up again

"Starscream," was the reply

"Oh and what do you transform into?" Kitt asked

"F-22 Raptor," was the reply

"Ah good choice," was the reply back

"What can you transform into?" he asked

"2009 Shelby Mustang GT500KR and KR stands for King of the Road not Knight Rider," Kitt replied

"Yes I've heard of the model, was an F-15 eagle once then upgraded," Starscream stated

The two remained silent for a while till,

"I'm board," they both said at the same time

"Wanna do something?" Starscream asked

"Like what?" asked Kitt

"I don't know think of something for once I am tired of doing all the thinking," Starscream replied

"I know what we can do…" Kitt said thinking about what Bumblebee said the other day.

-----LANCASTER RESIDENCE-----

Miles was busy studying for school after all he nearly flunked Math, and is busy trying to catch up. His arm was in a sling since the latest episode with Trent broke it. In other words his body was pretty much broken.

Sam comes when he could with his new girlfriend. It turns out that Mikaela is not such a jock concubine after all. She turned out to be really cool especially since she likes cars so much. The best part is that Miles learned about Bumblebee and the Autobots for Thanksgiving, and it was ruined when Trent decided that just beating Miles up was not good enough.

It was then that there is a ring from the phone and he heard his cell phone start to play, "It's a Hard Knocked Life," and Miles answered.

"Miles here,"

"Miles Lancaster there is an emergency that requires your presence it is a matter of national security," said a monotone voice

"Ok…who is this?" Miles asked

"My name does not matter at the moment for this conversation could be tapped. Please proceed to the outside of your home a ride will be there to retrieve you," said the voice and Miles was getting nervous.

"Are you a friend of Sam's?" he asked

"You could say that after all I am affiliated with Bumblebee and the Autobots," the voice said

"Are you a Decepticon?" he asked really getting nervous.

"No, I am neither all will be explained once you enter the mustang downstairs," with that the voice hung up.

Miles grabbed his crutches and headed downstairs slowly. His mom was already downstairs with the dishes from earlier.

"Miles honey was that a friend of yours?" she asked

"Yeah, I am going out for a bit," Miles said as he exited the house

"Alright remember to be safe now and stay away from that DeMarco boy," said his mother.

"I will," replied Miles as he exited the house.

When he got out there, there was a Shelby Mustang sitting there on the driveway. He whistled at the sight of that sweet ride. The only strange thing about the car was the strange lights that seem to dance across the front part of the hood.

"Holy shit what a ride," he said

It was then that the door opened and Miles saw that there was no one in there. Swallowing he got into the passenger's side of the vehicle.

As the door closed Miles placed his seat belt on when the car started on its own.

Getting scared the car pulled smoothly out of the driveway and began its trek across town.

"Hello Miles Lancaster, I am the Knight Industries Three Thousand but you can call me Kitt," said a monotone voice

"Cool you are one of those guys!" Miles said happily

"I am not a Cybertronian as you can put it I was built here on Earth, and a thing called the Allspark made me what I am today," was the monotone reply.

"Ok Kitt then what are you doing taking me out of town and how did you meet Bumblebee?" he asked

"That part was purely by accident," was the reply

"Oh so where are you taking me?" asked Miles

"Bumblebee mentioned that you have some bully problems so I have tapped into several surveillance systems throughout the city to find the said bully and his activities as well as show several satellite feeds.

With that Kitt showed images of Miles and Trent the day that Miles had gotten the injuries.

"Ok," Miles said

"Did Bumblebee tell you that the war is over right?" said Kitt

"Yeah and the new leader of the Decepticons agreed to a truce between the two sides," stated Miles.

"Well I have a proposition for you," said Kitt

"Oh and what is that?" asked Miles

"A friend of mine is board and wanted to help getting back at Trent for what he did to you. So after speaking to Bumblebee he agreed that giving Trent what he deserves is a dish best served cold," he said

With that Miles looked outside and notice that they have left the city and are heading towards an old airfield just outside of Tranquility.

When Kitt pulled in he shifted to Truck mode and drove up to the hanger.

The hanger doors opened and Miles was pulled into the dark as the doors shut.

"Holy shit it is dark," replied Miles

"Please step out of the vehicle," Kitt stated

Miles did so and when he did Kitt transformed into his bipedal mode. Miles looked up at the strange green optics of the said vehicle.

The lights then turned on and Miles could only stare…

There at the center of the room was the one thing that Miles dreamed of…

An F-22 RAPTOR sat there in the middle of the hanger. The sides were a shiny dusty grey with the Decepticon symbol painted in silver on the left wing.

"Holy shit!" Miles said

"Greetings boy I am Starscream," said the jet

"Starscream? As in leader of the Decepticons?" asked Miles

"Yes, Kitt here tells me you are in need of a little Bully Revenge," Starscream stated

"Yeah what do you have in mind?" asked Miles.

----SOMETIME LATER-----

Trent DeMarco was walking quietly with a hand full of garbage bag. He and a few buddies of his decided to rob one of the nearby electronics stores in another town nearby. As long as they stay well clear of Tranquility they are fine. As they entered the street and started to drive towards another town where their buyer was going to pick up the goods a sound of something flying low caught their ears.

Ignoring the sound they continued on their way. As the light of the early morning dawn approached and by luck it was a Saturday Trent was well on is way to Vegas. As he started to move out and head out of town the sound grew louder but still it disappeared.

The distant sounds of thunder and the rolling dark clouds was all Trent needed at the moment. As the rain started to fall so did a nasty present that was starting to stink of something rather foul.

"What the fuck?" Trent thought as he looked up at whatever was falling.

The rain was not crystal clear as it fell but rather yellow in color and smelled like…

"Hey man is that piss I smell?" asked another one of Trent's friends

"Yes man that is piss you smell," said the third and all of them by now were in Trent's car.

As they drove to their destination something cackled over the radio something like laughter.

Suddenly the car stopped throwing Trent and the boys forwards. Trent slammed on the gas to make it go but the Hummer would not move.

"What he hell?" he asked

"What the hell indeed," said a monotone voice and suddenly the doors opened and threw them out.

When Trent found himself on the ground he also found that the stuff he had stolen was also thrown out into a waiting police car.

"What the hell," said the first friend

"Allow me to show you," said the policeman as he took the stuff and disappeared back the way they came.

With that the sound of thunder was once again upon them and something fell from the sky right on their heads something wet, brown and rather smelly.

Trent wiped the stuff off of him as he looked towards the sky.

He wished he hadn't for when he saw the object approaching he started to run. The others looked up as well and started to run as well.

The looks on their faces was one of pure horror as the ground was being littered with piles of crap.

An F-22 shot out of the sky towards them guns blazing with rounds of stink bombs at them. As it did this the others ran for it as a Gatling gun came out and pelted paint balls at them. All the while a police car stood on the hill watching and laughing next to a now Shelby Mustang.

As Trent ran back to the real hummer he was suddenly struck with even more horror as the cops stood there waiting for them, and laughing while Trent's parents gave their sun a stern look.

Trent to say the least was far from happy.

In the meantime the said Jet was flying away back towards its hanger. Miles was in the cockpit laughing really hard as Starscream made his approach. As he did Kitt was waiting for him there along with Bumblebee and Sam.

When the jet landed Sam was in tears with laughter as Miles exited the vehicle with Bumblebee's help.

"So how do you like the peace now Starscream?" Bumblebee asked

"It is far more amusing when you play a practical joke on someone then blowing them up that is for sure," Starscream stated and turned to Kitt

"You my neutral Earth friend have proven yourself to be a valued Decepticon. I will not mark you for obvious reason seeing that you can also be as goody too shoes as an Autobot but I think I will take up your offer for a bit." He said

Bumblebee walked up to Starscream and Starscream patted his back rather hard but in a brotherly way.

"You know what Autoboy," he stated

"What?" asked Bumblebee

"I like tormenting that human I can't stand bullies since Megatron was one," with that the F-22 began to walk away.

"Hey Kitt we should torment some more people some other time eh," with that Starscream took off and disappeared into the sky.

Miles then was the center of attention from Bumblebee and Sam.

"Dude what did you do to Trent?" asked Sam

"It was all Kitt's idea since 'Bee told him about this," he pointed to his cast on both his leg and his arm and his busted face.

"Yes, I heard from Bumblebee about Miles's problem with the bully Trent and when Starscream appeared he was rather board and so was I. So we picked up Miles headed over to an old pig farm and harvested a good amount of pork feces and urine since that is the only place we could get large amounts of it." Kitt stated

"Do not ask how they did it I don't even want to go there," Miles stated

"Ok we won't," Sam said making a face.

"Yea they loaded up the bombs into Starscream after filling some kind of water balloons with the stuff. Then when Starscream loaded me into him we took off after Trent. The fun part happened when Starscream let loose the piss and made it look like part of the rain."

With that the two roared with laughter.

"Then it was fun having myself and Starscream pelt young DeMarco with pork feces and I added some rather nice things to his Hummer." Kitt said

"Dude you dressed up as his car and threw him out that was priceless," stated 'Bee

"Well he needed it," stated Kitt as he revved his engine.

"Dude stink bombing Trent was priceless don't tell me that was the end of it?" Sam said

"No wait till Monday," Miles said.

----MONDAY AFTERNOON----

The crowds gathered outside of school as soon as they heard the bell ring to signal that school had gotten out. They all ran out to get to the buses and cars…

Only to find an couple of F-22's sitting there on the highway.

"Whoa where did they thing come from?" Asked one of the students

Sam, Miles, and Mikaela knew who that was when they saw the symbol on the wing of one of them. Bumblebee was sitting in the parking lot shaking or trying to keep still. When all three approached the Autobot it was Sam who spoke.

"Bumblebee what is that doing here?" Sam said quietly

"Turn around Sam," Bumblebee said between giggles.

All three turned around and gaped…

"Who the hell turned the school pink?" said Miles

Tranquility high was painted Pink with rings of toilet paper hanging off the buildings and multicolored spots on all the walls. They all tried not to laugh at the sight when something buzzed…

It was Sam's cell phone

Sam picked it up and it was Bumblebee's voice

"Sam you and Miles go home in Starscream and Kitt I will take Mikaela," said Bumblebee

"Kitt can transform into an F-22?" asked Miles

"Yes, I don't know how he did it but he did and they are both waiting," the Autobot finished while Mikaela jumped into Bumblebee.

"I will meet you guys at home,"

With that Mikaela took off leaving Sam and Miles to walk to the two jets. As they got closer a small compartment on each jet opened and they figured that their back packs go there. When both were in there a ladder was mysteriously extended from the jets and both boys hopped on each one.

As soon as they were in the people began to back away as the jets started their engines for take off.

----KNIGHT INDUSTRIES HEADQUARTERS-----

"You did what?" Michael asked Kitt

"I had the Decepticon leader drop paint bombs on the high school," Kitt replied

"You do realize the damages caused by your little stunt right?" said Alex as he looked at the satellite feed.

"Nearly 114 dollars of pressure washing, 20 dollars of removing the toilet paper and 56,000 dollars to replace the hummer we buzzed and flipped over bombed with pork feces and urinated all over." Kitt replied

Sarah tried not to laugh in her seat along with Mike as Alex continued to rant and rave at the mustang no noticing the yapping hand in the background on the computers. Every time he starts to turn the computers would revert back to normal.

The others kept chuckling in the back ground well away from Alex's ears. Meanwhile…

"You do realize that messing with the heads of many people is considered stupid selfish..(This time the computer screens changed to a little kid making faces) the chuckling grew more pronounced) idiotic! Childish! And worse of all…." Alex stopped in his ranting and turned around to find everyone laughing so hard that they could not hold it any longer.

"What is so funny?" he asked

Alex turned around and saw to his horror a video of him drunk and dancing around like a mad man in front of a group of kids at a museum, another showing him strip dancing at a night club a third of him getting pied in the face at last years party and last but not least him now from behind with a sign that said that he is the property of Crabbe's toilets with a nice ring on his pants.

Enraged he turned to the Shelby

"Don't look at me I didn't do anything," Kitt said with a sign on his hood that said, 'Starscream owns you,' with a big heart on it.

THE END


	9. The Shelby and the Transformers

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**One shot **

**SHELBY AND SALEEN **

**The Shelby and the Transformers**

Now the music was blaring in the SSC as Kitt played out some music for the unusual group that gathered.

Right around them the remains of SSC became the new play ground for the transformers. For as soon as the government had pulled out the Cybertronians moved in.

The SSC quickly became the new alien hang out and with Kitt still online things became quite hectic. Even after the events with KARR; Kitt became the a famous icon with the transformers.

The reason being is that he stopped the fighting between the sides. He turned an actual war into a prank war and eventually a peace celebration.

Now however that peace was something to celebrate.

And it all gotten started when Ratchet introduced some high grade energon.

Only then did things turn out for the funniest night of their lives.

_EVERYBODY WAS KUNG FU FIGHTING! _The music blared as Epps sang to the song totally off key.

That just so happens to be the transformers joined the party along with Sam, Mikaela, Miles and the new F.L.A.G. team. There was the army rangers Epps, Figg, and Lennox who was off to the side drinking some beers while the kids just drank some sodas.

The music continued to blare from where the Shelby was stationed on the side while the others danced to the music.

Judy and Ron Witwicky provided the food while others in the government celebrated with the Secretary of Defense who was in a business suit dancing with the President's wife. While the President himself was dancing with the analyst Maggie Madison.

Glen Whitman the other analyst was off flirting with a recovering Ravai while a smaller Frenzy was off discussing which flavor of Mountain Dew was better with none other then Dewbot.

The mountain Dew Machine was found only a few days after Starscream did his prank on Trent along with a surviving nokia phone, an X-box that Frenzy was checking out while talking to the Dew bot (she was a femme) and an escalade (did not like the steering wheel thing.) and the final member was a tow truck.

Bumblebee was giving suggestions on dance moves to a rather frazzled Barricade but complied none the less.

Both scouts were dancing on the floor with a drunken Starscream and Ironhide doing the same but a more slow motion thing while being filmed by Optimus and Michael Knight.

Sara was discussing some of Kitts functions with Ratchet himself while Billy and Zoe went from the food to where Maggie and Glen were to talk about computers.

All the while Kitt decided to pay DJ and ignore the drunken Epps as he tried to sing, 'Kung Fu Fighting,' by changing the song to Winona Judd's version of 'Burning Love'

Lennox and Figg loved it as they both threw him the bird and high fiving each other.

Bumblebee and Barricade started to dance again with Ironhide and Starscream. This time Frenzy started to join in as well with an amused Judy Witwicky while her husband was off to get drinks.

The dancing and drinking continued for some time into the night and while this was going on they did not notice the impending doom until the next morning.

-----THE NEXT MORNING-----

A laughing Optimus was sitting outside as the sun rose behind the mountains near the SSC and for a large mech to get such a site he was quite content that the results of last night would be played out shortly.

"Hey Optimus why are you up so early?" asked Sam as he returned from his morning jog.

"Oh you will see shortly," he said

And just as he said it he said that there was a scream many decimals too high for it to be any female.

"I think the show just about started." Optimus said and with that he smirked as he got up.

Sam quickly followed the Autobot down the runway into the SSC and to his surprise found a rather large screen playing footage from last night.

Ratchet was already by the door eating something that looks like popcorn but glows a bright pink color. He offered some to Optimus who gladly took it.

Mikaela and Miles already were on Ratchet's shoulders laughing as Sam was quickly placed on Optimus's shoulders. The scene became all too clear now as Sam watched the events from last night being played out on the screen.

Now that he saw it form a mech's point of view he was laughing so hard he nearly fell off the Autobot leader.

"I see you find this amusing," came a calm voice and Sam looked down to see Kitt in his bipedal mode also eating some of the popcorn like substance.

There was the image of Starscream and Ironhide dancing together and getting rather close to each other which disturbed all who was there even the said mechs. Seeing as both were too drunk at the time to decipher mech from femme or enemy from willing partner they were stuck with themselves.

Horrified both mech's pulled away to a laughing Scorponok who bounded between them and placed wet kisses on both of them while they were dancing. The two mech's watched as the scorpion was being chased by the both of them in the movie. They suddenly forgotten the scorpion when they spotted more high grade energon and drank till they were totally gone.

On the other side showed Bumblebee and Barricade doing a break dancing contest to see who was the best on the dance floor.

The scene changed to Frenzy who had several cans of Mountain Dew in his hands and used it to fly it at Billy as he tried to flirt with Maggie. The Aussie was not amused to this as Billy was interested in things that Glen might be interested in but was too drunk to ask the hacker himself.

That resulted in him falling face first into Maggie's bust line and a fist to the face when he accidentally grabbed said appendages. Zoe was too busy dancing with Mike and Sarah to notice but not before an angry Maggie went right up to them and started dancing as well.

The result of that confrontation was a drunken Billy getting up and stumbling into both Sarah and Maggie and groping them both by mistake in his attempt to get up. When he did that only evolved into him throwing up all over Mike and Zoe while Glen off to the side lines was busy flirting with Dew Bot.

Kitt in the mean time was trying to keep the three rangers from taking over the music as they all gotten into a food fight to get to said disk jockey. Kitt only made sure no one got to the music and had Scorponok keep an eye on the soldiers.

The said scorpion added several new tunnels under the building and demolished what was left of the food.

Mr. and Mrs. Witwicky in turn kept the kids out of the firing range when all the rangers turned the tables into a war zone. This turned into a major fight between the bots and the rangers resulting in food and then when someone introduced paintballs into an all out mess.

The president of the united states held the so called paint ball gun in his hands and the secretary of defense wore a mask his business suit was also covered in food stains.

All in all it was a night of chaos and Optimus Prime recorded it all.

At one point there was a person streaking across the ground being chased by Frenzy on Scorponok. Ratchet then began to film the event himself as the others laughed at him.

There was another part with the tow truck and the escalade holding hands with each other while watching the event.

The video then changed to an obviously human point of view as Mike took over the filming from the Autobot. He filmed the X-box which they named 'Gamer' and 'Kia' for the Nokia phone go after Frenzy while he was on Scorponok.

It was total chaos.

The others all turned to Optimus the only bot on the property to ever stay sober.

"Now don't look at me like that," he said to them all.

"How dare you Prime!" Starscream said to him thought his anger sounded more like amusement then anything else.

"Oh don't be all mad 'Screamer because today all you suckers had been served!" Optimus said

Everyone could only stare at him in total disbelief.

TBC


	10. The Shelby and the Hacker

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**One shot **

**SHELBY AND SALEEN **

**Part 11: The Shelby and the Hacker**

Frenzy was happily drinking a double shot mocha when Kitt rolled up to him and tapped his aft with his bumper.

"What are you doing?" he asked the Shelby.

"Just getting your attention since you are so busy with that double shot." Kitt said

"Oh I needed caffeine to wake up," Frenzy replied

"So how is it going between you and 'Cade?" he asked

"Ok I guess but recently we both have been board," Frenzy replied as he drank the last of his shot.

"Why is that and where is Starscream?" Kitt asked

"Starscream is off world visiting his two brothers Skywarp and Thundercracker and since there is only us and Scorponok that would be rather boring." Frenzy replied

"Hmm did you try to revive your leader?" Kitt asked

"Tried but that got boring too," Frenzy said

"You could have played a few role playing games?" he said

"Like what?" Frenzy asked

Hmm …..

SOMETIME LATER

Sam and Miles were currently playing Dungeons and Dragons and since Barricade was on shift that left Bumblebee and Frenzy to play along as well.

Frenzy rolled the dice for his wizard.

"Ok I am going to cast a spell to unlock the door," he said and began to get up and dance around the room

Sam watched in amusement as he did his version of a belly dance.

"I cast my spell on YOU!" he said to the door and the door opened to reveal Judy with some food and her papers for the game.

Ron was at work so he lucked out but Judy sat down.

"Wow it actually opened," said Kitt as he sat down next to Bumblebee his own stats being played on his arm.

Sam who was dungeon master began to tell the story further.

"Ok so the door was opened and we all enter to room it was dark. Kitt turned on the light with his torch and waved it around. As he walked into the room he found many scrolls and old dust covered books all on the table in front of them." He said

"Careful it could be a trap!" said Miles as he rolled his dice.

"I have approached the table with my trap kit," he said

"Ok roll again and see what you found," he said

Miles rolled the dice and it came up to a 1 instead of a 20.

"Damn it I think I activated the trap!" Miles said

"Ok Frenzy roll your six sided dice to see if you made up an emergency barrier for everyone," Sam said

Frenzy rolled and it came up with a two groaning he went about to say that everyone died.

"Not really," said Sam and they played like that for a few hours.

---SOMETIME LATER----

"Man what are we going to do now?" asked Sam as he, Miles, Bumblebee, Kitt, Frenzy and Judy sat around the table the food already eaten and the caffeine already gone.

"I know why don't we take D&D to another level?" said Frenzy

"Oh and how do we do that?" asked Miles.

----AUTOBOT BASE-----

Now Ratchet was getting rather irritated when the noise continued. The loud thumping and grinding noises was all that the medic could take and he was trying his best at their base to clean up the mess made by the new recently arrived Lamborghini twins. Both twins upon arrival had gotten into a fight with each other along with their care taker Prowl and Arcee. Now Ratchet being Ratchet threw a wrench at them and had to basically weld them apart since the heat from entering Earth's atmosphere had screwed with their servos. It practically melted them all together and that alone was embarrassing especially for Arcee.

The good thing is that their sparks remained separate and that is what Ratchet was worried about the most is to come up with a massive orgy. That alone would have made the medic very uncomfortable.

But that infernal thumping and banging noise on the wall is driving him insane.

It was a constant _thump, thump, thumpthumpthumpthump _and then back down to a _thump, thump, thump_ it was a constant pain for the medic.

Thinking something nasty was going on he quickly walked towards the hanger next door to shout at the two mating mechs to stop doing the nasty so he can get some quiet.

What he did not expect was a loud sound system and a holographic game involving barely clad males and females of some unknown species in the room. Right in the center was Kitt, Bumblebee, Barricade, Frenzy, Sam, Miles, Mikaela, Judy and Ron Witwicky, along with a rather sheepish looking Maggie and Glen. Mike, Sarah, Zoe and Billy were off to the side getting some food.

They were rolling dice hence the _thump_ noise that was being heard.

"Ok I got a seventeen!" said Sam

"You hit him square in the face and he falls over with a crash." Said Frenzy and just as he said that in slow motion the larger of the two beings fell down flat.

"Alright as you are celebrating your victory another Orc comes up from behind you and tries to slash your head off with his large battle axe." He said

"I'm on it," said Ron

"Alright Ron roll your D-20 to see if you actually make it." Frenzy said

"I will cover for him," said Kitt as he rolls his own dice.

"I got a 3," said Ron

"I got an 18," said Kitt.

"Alright Ron you went to help Sam but had gotten hit by another Orc as he came at you. Kitt you managed to knock the guy to the ground and at the same time hit the Orc attacking Sam from behind with your sword," Frenzy said and the hologram showed the scene just as Frenzy said it.

"What is going on here?" Ratchet asked all of them.

The group turned to stare at the medic.

"Oh hello CMO Ratchet," said Kitt

"Hey Ratchet,"

"Wassup Doc,"

And various other greetings.

"Don't mind us we are playing D&D," said Kitt

"D&D?" asked Ratchet

"Dungeons and Dragons it is a role playing game where you make up your own character and storyline." Said Frenzy looking smug.

"Oh and what is up with the dice making all that noise?" Ratchet asked

"Oh sorry we thought you could not hear that," said Miles sheepishly.

"I thought there was something else going on," Ratchet said to the startled group.

"No we were just playing our game," said Judy as she reached over and took some popcorn from Mike's hand with his 'Hey!" sounding in the room.

"And here I thought something else was going on," he said and turned to leave the room.

"Ah," the others said.

Ratchet returned to his medbay to work on separating the new comers when another noise filled the room.

"_Ah, ohh that is good; that feels so good!" _

"_Oh deeper, harder ohh that feels so good AAAHHH!" _

A cry of pleasure filled his audios as he turned towards the wall that lead to the other room the others were currently in.

"_oh I just love the feel of you inside me aahhh!" _

Ratchet growled low in his throat as he turned towards the door leading to the other room.

As he banged the door opened once again he saw the group playing their game still yet. And yet there was no noise coming from the room. They all just stared at him like he has gone nuts.

"You ok Doc," said Bumblebee as he looked up from where his character was currently sleeping.

"No, I thought I heard something," Ratchet muttered as he walked back to his med bay.

"_Oh baby harder! Harder!" _growling again Ratchet returned to the room and still found them deep in their game.

Turning to get out of the room he walked further and just when he reached his door.

"_Oh I'm coming! I'm Coming!"_

The heat in his engine began to build but not with pleasure but with anger as he stormed back to their room.

He slammed the door opened and then turned towards the television that was off the whole time.

"Are you sure you are ok doc?" asked Sam

"I swear I heard something or someone in the throws of mating," he growled.

"Not us we just got through sleeping at a tavern in our game and are heading out," said Ron looking up from where his warrior was currently being seen running to catch up to the others.

Ratchet gave them all dark looks and turned to leave.

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"_

"**THAT IS IT!**" He said as he stormed in the room once more only to find that Judy's character had fallen into the mud outside the tavern and the others tried to get up from laughing too hard.

"Mom I wish you had not rolled a one," Sam said to Judy.

The others turned to Ratchet …

"I need a drink," was all he said as he walked out.

"What is wrong with him?" asked Frenzy as he fixed the audio on his holographic projector.

"I don't know I mean first there was the elves talking about magic and drinking ice cold beer and then there was Ron trying to get out of bed on time, and then there was Judy falling in the mud I just don't know but I think he probably thought we're having an orgy or something," Kitt said

"That would have been very disturbing," replied Barricade.

"Disturbing indeed," replied Optimus as he shifted his character better on the horse.

END


	11. The Shelby and the Vending Machine

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 11: The Shelby and the Vending Machine**

Mike was hot

He was very hot

He was also very thirsty

And what a better way to deal with the heat and the thirst then to buy himself a nice bottle of Mountain Dew Voltage. It became one of his favorite drinks these past few days since the raspberry taste and that Mountain Dew goodness was all he needed at the moment.

However the vending machine in front of him refused to give him what he wants.

Mike was so tempted to hit the machine, but being as it was near the disaster zone in Mission City he read the sign that said not to bother the vending machine.

"Kitt why is there a sigh that said not to bother this thing?" he asked

"According to my scanners that vending machine is a new born Cybertronian." Kitt replied

"How many of them are out there?" Mike asked as he turned back to the machine.

"Can I please have a Mountain Dew Voltage please," he said politely.

The machine quickly dispensed the drink.

"Thanks," Mike said

As Mike took a swig of his drink another man approached the machine, and quickly put some money in there. He also ordered a drink but nothing came out.

Getting rather angry the man began to hit the machine over and over again and even started to kick the machine.

Now annoyed the familiar sounds of transformation could be heard as the vending machine rose up from his crunched form just as Mike finished his drink. Still thirsty he waited just as the man stared to scream.

There was also a puddle that formed through his business suit as he wet himself.

Running in terror he was pelted with water balloons.

Grumbling could be heard in Cybertronian as he turned to look at Mike again.

"Ok and here I was going to ask for another can of soda," he said and the machine blinked at him.

Shrugging Mike was going to leave when he felt something touch his shoulder and turning he found the machine holding another bottle of Mountain Dew Voltage.

"Thanks," he said and just before leaving turned again to the vending machine.

"Hey you want to come over for a while?"

-----S.S.C. F.L.A.G. HEADQUARTERS-----

"Um Mike why is there a vending machine in our headquarters?" Billy asked

"Oh don't mind him he has had a rough day and so Kitt and I invited him over," Mike said as he brought out a cube of energon for the 'Dewbot' as he is called now and one for Kitt.

Country music was being played while they sat down to watch some DVD's that Zoe picked up from Blockbuster.

Taking a drink the Dewbot was astonished to find that it was flavored and not the normal energy fuel that he was used to.

"Wondering about that?" Mike asked the Dewbot,

A Nod was the reply and Mike smiled back, "Actually that was Sarah's idea she came up with it with some help from a Constructicon that recently landed. I think his name is Mixmaster?" Mike said to him

"Hey Sarah what flavor did you make this time?" Billy asked Sarah as she came out form the kitchen with some beer for everyone.

"Why the very thing he sells; Mountain Dew," she said and the Dewbot was surprised as he finished drinking all of it.

Feeling happy since he tasted his own product he decided to just enjoy the rest of the show with the others.

----THE NEXT DAY----

Mike once again stopped in front of the Vending Machine and the sign that clearly told people to leave the vending machine alone was removed and vandalized. The poor thing was covered in graffiti and shaking with anger. Seeing this Mike walked out with some cleaners that Kitt gladly provided. As he began to remove the stuff off of him he gave off some miserable whistles.

"Hey there buddy what is wrong?" he asked the machine.

What he got was some static.

"Michael according to Dewbot someone made off with one of his friends and he could not move since they chained him to the wall," Kitt said to him.

"Oh and what is his friend?" he asked

Kitt translated for him and the answer was also translated back into English.

"He says that his friend is an X-box 360 gaming console who just stopped by to say hello." Kitt replied

"Well which way they went?" Mike asked as soon as the rest of the chains were removed.

"They went towards the local mall," Kitt replied

"Well buddy that is all I can get off the rest we will have to take you down to Banes Auto-Repair they do Cybertronians as well as regular cars," Mike said

"But First we have to take you to get your friend back," with that Kitt transformed into his truck mode and the Dewbot happily got on not caring if anyone noticed.

Not that anyone resident in Mission City cared.

Dewbot rested comfortably with his legs up on the back of the truck bed while Kitt turned around on the road and began to follow the group of boys. Saying something in Cybertronian Dewbot transformed back into his original form and Mike quickly tied him up to make like he was transporting the machine.

Sure enough as they came around the corner they spotted the group of boys laughing about the X-box 360 that was carelessly on the side of the road.

They laughed and pointed at the strange symbols on the X-box while everyone else was asking about what games they would play.

It was then that a black ford F-150 pulled up right next to them with a vending machine on the back. Mike pulled the release of the chains.

"Hey!" he called and they all turned to him.

"What the hell do you want?" one of the boys asked this one around 12 years of age.

He was dressed like any typical punk with baggy clothes and rather shaggy curly dirty blonde hair and white Caucasian build.

He was rather rude when he snubbed Mike and if he were around Mike's age he would have put his fist right in his face.

"You kids were the ones who tagged this vending machine?" he asked trying to be nice.

"Why the fuck do you care," said another kid this one an African American with a hint of Hispanic in him and he too snubbed Mike.

"Michael I am detecting a distress signal from the X-box," Kitt said to Mike through his earwig.

"I know buddy let me handle this before these punks do something stupid," he whispered to his friend.

"Alright I trust you," Kitt replied.

Michael Knight walked further towards them.

"Hey man we've done nothing to that stupid machine," said another kid this one was also Caucasian with dark black hair dipped in blonde with kohl under his eyes.

"Now you stop lying or I will make some phone calls," Mike said

"What are you some sort of fucken cop?" another kid said to him.

"Yea you could say that those cameras on the other side of the street has your faces all over them so I suggest giving up that X-bot and return it to where you got it or I will get nasty," Mike said

"Yeah and what are you going to do about it take the X-box from us?" another kid said and kicked it for good measure.

"Well if you say so but it is not me you have to worry about it is them?" he said and just as he said it the X-box transformed and so did Kitt and Dewbot.

Now all three were scared silly as all three Cybertronians made themselves known. The first boy who cussed out Mike actually had a new wet spot in his pants while the second was shaking so much he wanted to cry. The third was already screaming several octaves too high for someone of his gender.

Dewbot charged up his cannons full of water balloons and began to pelt the boys while the X-box ripped the pants off another boy's body. Now running for their lives they ran into the street well aware of the traffic but too scared to care.

Dewbot and the X-box gave chase leaving Mike and Kitt alone as the other transformed back into his truck form. Opening his driver's side door he let Mike enter the car.

"Now that is what I call having fun," Mike said to Kitt.

"You said it," Kitt said as they drove off to catch up to the two Cybertronians.

When they pulled out they spotted a police officer giving tickets to several cars and writing a report about the vandalism done to the Mountain Dew's home.

"Well they did not listen to the sign when it says to leave the machine alone," Mike said to the officer as he watched a few blocks down the kids were still getting pelted.

When they finally caught up to the two angry 'Terraformers,' as they are called Mike was shocked to see something else on the kids as they were being hauled away by police.

One of the kids was covered in a white milky substance while another was covered in garbage and was wearing a garbage can lid as a cover. All the while the third was the worst for wear.

He was the very one who spoke up against Mike and he was the one now covered in graffiti spray painted from head to toe in bright colors and pictures.

He did not have anything but his bare hands to cover his genital areas but Mike could make out the little Tasmanian devil coming out of the crack of his butt cheeks. There was a picture of Bugs Bunny coming out of his belly button and the last part was the flowers that covered his nipples alongside all the colors.

Looking rather satisfied the two watched them being hauled away while looking smug.

"Um you guys need a lift?" Mike said

Now there was a new sign in front of the now vacant area as they past by. The graffiti was already gone but Dewbot also gained a roof over his head to keep out the rain. In addition to the sigh there was a notice to, 'Ask for your soda when paying,' and 'Do not hit, kick, abuse or beat the machine,' but the last one that caught Mike's attention was, 'Beware the soda machine does bite back,' written on the sign.

Kitt drove them out towards Tranquility and to Banes Auto repairs.

There Ratchet was home fixing his tools and making sure that everything was in working order when Kitt rolled up.

"Hey guys!" he said to them.

"Hey doc can we use your cleaning area?" Mike asked

"Sure why?" he asked until he had gotten a good look at both Dewbot and the X-box which they named 'Gamer'

----SOMETIME LATER----

Dewbot and Gamer enjoyed their VIP treatment as they were cleaned and pampered and right beside them was Kitt enjoying a bath as well in his original form. Gamer who was a femme wanted nothing more then to be clean of all the muck and grime that was in her servos.

She then asked Kitt in Cybertronian what he would suggest in a good home for her.

Dewbot was feeling quite happy just enjoying the bubbling sensations of the water and cleaner what it provided on his metallic body. Floating there in the middle of the pool he ended up going into recharge right then and there. Kitt had to wake him to get him to a berth where he was polished to perfection by a returned owner and his nice Mikaela.

Laughing at the antics of the Terraformers Mikaela had an idea of where they should go.

-----S.S.C. F.L.A.G. HEADQUARTERS; KNIGHT INDUSTRIES----

"Cool X-box Mike where did you find this one?" Billy asked as he was playing Halo live.

"I didn't remember Gamer?" he said to Billy as he shot another alien.

"Yeah," he said wondering who was the third playing when he looked at the box.

"Well she will be living with us now," he said

"Oh great another girl," Billy complained.

----MISSION CITY------

"Stupid soda machine!" a man said kicking the machine and ignoring the warning signs around it.

Angered Dewbot transformed and bore his guns out at the now shaken man. Screaming and yelling he ran from the area as fast as his legs can go. All the while leaving a trail of smelly watery mess on the ground.

The next man that walked up actually read the signs and shrugging before he asked, "One regular mountain dew please," he said and sure enough Dewbot gave him his order.

**Well this is not as funny as it should be seeing as I did this rather late. It just popped into my head while playing the latest Avatar the Last Airbender game and had to get it out. **

**Oh and for those of you wondering about why I put it as complete; well it originally was completed till the ideas started to form again for this brain fart of an idea. **


	12. The Shelby and the Cell Phone

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 12: The Shelby and the Cell Phone**

_Ring! Ring! Wake up your phone's ringing!_

Sarah turned to look at the cell phone on the table.

"Toby what did I tell you about that stupid ringtone!" she groaned as she looked at her clock that said 3:30 in the morning.

_Get up fool!_

"Toby," Sarah growled to the cell phone.

The phone remained motionless and not moving as Sarah Graiman glared at it before going back to bed.

_I said wake the fuck up fool! Your fucken phone is ringing! _

Turning over again Sarah checked the caller ID and found that no one was on it.

Growling she turned over in her bed again.

_I said wake the fuck up and answer the god damn phone bitch!_

Now Sarah was getting mad and grabbed the phone off the receiver to shake the hell out of the phone.

Only to find that the phone she was holding was not even hers.

Her cell phone was a recently sparked Cybertronian an accident from when Frenzy was over last and dropped the Allspark fragment on the ground.

The result was her charging phone coming to life and nearly diced her to pieces.

Well it was by luck that Frenzy was there and so calmed it by speaking Cybertronian.

After it calmed down he explained that newly sparked transformers tend to be a little on the panicked side that is why there is two creators to take care of it.

In Sarah's case one

And so she named it Toby after the song that was her original ring tone that was sung by Toby Mac.

Toby was not there where he usually is. Instead Sarah has another sprint blackberry that looks like him.

She could only stare at the phone as it was black in the screen.

"Toby?" she asked

Rolling over to think that the phone was being funny she looked around but found no one.

"Toby?"

_Wake up the phone's ringing_

Sarah turned her head and her hair was frazzled all over the place as if she had gotten shocked.

"Toby?" she asked

_I said get your ass up and answer the phone fool_

She looked down at the phone and saw that it was ringing again. Looking down she saw a rather disturbing picture of a mutilated man with the words "Spaghetti anyone,"

Immediately grossed out Sarah tossed the phone down and glared at it.

It was then that Kremzeek appeared on the screen advertising his energy drink.

Turning off the phone Sarah growled low in her throat.

This was not funny.

She began to walk towards the main control room passing Mike's room and then Zoe and Billy's

Billy was snoring so loud that it would wake up the dead.

_Answer the phone stupid!_

The phone could be heard down the hall now as she continued on.

Tired angry and very annoyed she walked right into the control room.

Only to find a little cell phone fast asleep leaning against gamer with a bottle of energon in his mouth.

_Answer the fucken phone bitch!_

That ringtone was driving Sarah nuts as she walked towards Toby and picked him up gently.

The little bot was still in recharge when Sarah looked down at the phone.

There was a text message from someone named 'Jetfire'

Looking at it she opened it up without waking Toby.

_To: Unknown Recipient _

_From: Grandpa Blackbird _

_Yo mama so fat she had to have a face lift, tummy tuck, super boobs and a whole lot of chimichanga redoes in order to see her self in the mirror_

On it was an image of a very fat woman trying to look at herself in the mirror and bouncing up and down trying to see her face.

Sarah nearly face planted right then and there.

All that for a cell phone message!

It was then that Kitt reactivated his system

"Is there something wrong Sarah?"

"Aaaaaahhhhhhhhggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!" she growled

**This idea was for my friend Cici whose cell phone ringtone says exactly that. **


	13. The Shelby and the SR71 Blackbird

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 13: The Shelby and the SR-71**

The old airplane junk yard was for faulty planes and what not. So Kitt had flew on in with Starscream to visit his relative.

His grandfather by any chance.

The F-22 raptor was looking rather apprehensive about going here after all.

"Why are we here and why do I have to take up my disguise as an F-18 Hornet?" Kitt asked

"Because my grandfather would never believe me if I told him about you being a ground pounder." Starscream replied as he walked further into the junk yard.

As they came near the back Kitt could see an old SR-71 blackbird just sitting there by itself and from the sounds of it long asleep.

"Grandpa?" Starscream said

The Blackbird gave a jerk before it transformed into an old rusty bot.

"Who goes there!" he said swinging his cane and causing Starscream to duck

"Grandpa Jetfire it is me Starscream! Wake up you old coot!" he shouted at him

The old Blackbird's optics came online again like crimson fire as he turned to look at Starscream.

"Oh its you! What do you want?! Can't you see that I am trying to get a stasis nap here!" he complained swinging his cane at his grandson.

"I came here to say hi and this is what you tell me?" Starscream growled

"No," he said and grabbed Starscream by the head in a headlock and gave him a noogie.

"GRANDPA!" Starscream nearly bellowed in embarrassment.

"What? Can't an old man enjoy a moment with his grandson?" Jetfire replied

"Not if you are going to embarrass me in front of my friends," Starscream replied and the blackbird let him go.

Jetfire let out a stream of gas from his aft as he approached Kitt. Starscream was in the background gagging at the stench of being farted in the face.

Flipping the bird at the old man behind his back he was returned the gesture with the cane.

Jetfire approached Kitt and the nervous hornet took a step back.

"Now, now sunny don't be afraid I ain't gonna bite one bit," he said as his glasses slid down his face.

He took one look at Kitt and saw how young he is before turning to Starscream.

"Now don't tell me you brought this kid here to start smoking now eh?" he growled at his grandson.

"No! I came here to bug you because T.C. wanted me to pick up the…" with this he looked around and whispered, "Stuff," to the Blackbird.

Jetfire took a minute to compute what was being said before a slow smile came to his face.

"Ah I see, hold on a sec," he said and slowly walked away towards the building.

"What exactly did Thundercracker ask us to get?" Kitt asked

"You don't want to know," Starscream replied when Jetfire returned with a bunch of strange disks.

"You tell T.C. to take care of these, for they are my favorites," he said

"I know he does," Starscream replied as he took them and quickly subspaced them before Kitt could see.

"Oh and one more thing; I better not find any lubricants all over my stuff again like last time. It took me forever to get that stuff off ya here!" Jetfire glared at his grandson.

"Hey don't look at me T.C. and 'Warp are the ones who use your stuff," Starscream replied before the blackbird turned away.

"Alright now get lost both of ya I have to take a dump," Jetfire said and with that another belch of gas came from his aft once again.

This time both Starscream and Kitt gagged at the smell; for it smelled like the waste treatment plant down the road about a few miles away.

Quickly realizing what the old jet was about to do both younger jets ran out of the junk yard and quickly transformed to get as far away from the black bird as possible.

------IN THE AIR------

"DAMN! Your old man sure as hell can fart!" Kitt complained as he flew alongside Starscream

"Well no duh! He was one hell of a fart bag back home," Starscream said as he was still coughing from the first time too.

"Well what the hell was that stuff that he gave you?" Kitt said rather annoyed

"The latest issue of Spicy Femmes, Playbot and Galactic Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue with all sorts of femmes from different planets," Starscream said looking through his subspace inventory.

"You mean this whole trip was to get your brothers _porn_?" Kitt said

"Yep that is why I asked you to come along because the old man would never deliver to me knowing that I don't read the stuff." Starscream replied

"Sure you don't," Kitt said dryly

"I don't I'd rather watch the holograms better they are more stimulating." He said

"TMI!"

"What don't tell me that your human does not get to look at dirty pictures too?" Starscream said

"Not when he has the real thing," Kitt said back

"Ah I guess you're right," Starscream replied

When they landed in the forest not far from the old junk yard Kitt quickly transformed back into his original form, and rolled it out of there to get away from the seeker as fast as he could.

"What was that all about 'Screamer?" Skywarp asked as he and Thundercracker emerged from the trees.

"Oh he is just still recovering from Grandpa Jetfire's gas attack," Starscream replied to his old brother.

"Oh," both brothers said at the same time

Thundercracker then extended his hand out and Starscream delivered the goods.

"Now remember what I told you don't leave any marks," he said and transformed himself and took off.

Both seekers looked in glee at their new prize.

------MEANWHILE------

"Ah finally I get to relieve myself," Jetfire said as he sat down on the makeshift toilet.

------LENNOX FARM------

Ironhide just herded the cattle back into the corral when a rather putrid odor came over the wind knocking out all cows in sight. He watched in truck form as every last one fell into a daze and just dropped dead.

They weren't really dead just fainted.

Taking a whiff and gagging the old Autobot transformed and waved his hand in front of his olfactory cog.

"Shit what the hell is that smell?" said Epps as he and Will walked out of the house with a very sick Annabelle and a equally sick Sarah Lennox.

"Ah man that is just wrong!" said Sarah Lennox

"Ah man it smells like the sewer system is broken badly with swamp gas and rotten eggs mixed into it." Will said and Ironhide wanted to die right then.

It did not help that the wind was blowing in their direction.

-----MEANWHILE-----

Jetfire was enjoying his time on the crapper with a datapad in his hand. The latest in Busty Femmes was proving to be quiet stimulating.

"Oh baby now that is what I call a chassis!" he said as he quickly placed the pad down and grabbed the nearest soft object to use as toilet paper.

When he was done he got up and pressed a button to flush before walking back to where he was parked.

Inside the Smithsonian Aerospace Museum

When he transformed and parked himself into his spot the visitors all quickly ran out.

Not because of his sudden appearance.

But of the lingering smell that came from the aft of the blackbird.

"_Tonight on our six o'clock news: the strange stench that has been lingering in Washington as well as the rest of the country could not be explained as farm animals, people and vehicles suddenly wilted and fainted, as the smell that seemed to sweep the country off its axis. Scientists are baffled by the sudden stench and are asking people to stay indoors and buy as much air fresheners as possible." _

**I just had to do that**

**I really did. **

**My late grandpa was the one who gave me the idea for it. **


	14. The Shelby and the Boombox

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 14: The Shelby and the Boom box**

Now Bumblebee was going nuts he had been sitting here for about four hours listening to Miles play some horrible hip hop songs on his boom box radio. As much as he wanted to switch stations he could not for he was as it was pretending to be a car.

Trent was busy glaring at the obnoxious boy as he played the boom box that currently was sitting on Bumblebee's hood.

_Having some problems with music 'Bee_ a voice asked on his comm...

Jumping up at the sound of someone on the comm. he gladly replied.

_Oh thank Primus Kitt I am so glad to hear someone other then this racket on the radio_ Bumblebee replied

Kitt rolled up near one of the street parking bins and looked on as he could pick up the loud obnoxious music on Mile's radio.

Listening to the lyrics Kitt had to ask.

_What is the significance of this racket other then let everyone know what a female's genital opening looks like and its size?_ Kitt asked

Bumblebee had to sigh at that one.

_I have no idea_ he told the Shelby

It was at this time that Zoe walked up to Kitt and petted his hood.

"What is the conversation about?" she asked the Shelby

"Oh nothing just Bumblebee over there is having some trouble with music," Kitt replied to the oriental girl as she walked over to the Camero who looked like he was about to fall down on his shocks any time now.

Deciding to play it cool she walked up to Miles.

"Hey there handsome what can I help you with?" she said smoothly.

Trent and his goons could only stare as the sexy oriental girl with golden tanned skin and high shorts with a belly shirt flirted with Miles.

She ran a loving hand down 'Bee's hood making the Autobot nearly purr with delight.

"So what brings you here?" Miles asked with a beet red face.

"I was in the neighborhood with Kitt when he said that Bumblebee and you were across the street. So I decided to stop by and say hi," she said

Just then Trent and his goons walked up.

"Hey baby want to hang out with a real man instead of this loser?" he said to Zoe.

The girl could only look at Trent before blowing some hair out of her eyes.

"You mean as in sucking a small pimple between your legs then you have another thing coming." She said blowing him completely off

"What did you say bitch," he said

"Bitch: a female dog or a woman who bends over to let her man screw her from behind. I will be this loser's bitch any day," she said and winking at Miles.

Catching on Miles smiled back remembering that way Zoe likes to play with her catch first.

What he did not notice was that Zoe turned the volume down on the radio and changed the station.

"Oh yes a bitch who likes to bend over for this loser," he said

"For your information this 'loser' that you are trying to insult is my friend and my bed buddy with a six and a half inch when hard and is awfully good in bed you should try it ladies!" she said over to the girls by the tree who could look in curiosity.

Bumblebee and Kitt looked on in shock as Zoe tapped the Boom box as she walked way swinging her hips as she went.

Miles could only stare at her and the BS that she told Trent!

Trent looked down at the blonde geek as he grabbed him by the shirt.

"I don't know how you gotten such a babe to be with you but if you have any enhancement stuff I want some," Trent said to him.

"That is just the thing I don't; I just have that natural Lancaster charm to me," Miles said.

"What ever loser I will find out your secret," Trent said as he shoved Miles into Bumblebee's hood.

"What the hell was that all about?" a new voice asked and Miles turned to find Sam and Mikaela walking up to him.

"It is about time!" he said

"So what new CD did you get at the store?" Mikaela asked him.

"I got the newest from Snoop Dog (I had to think of a name off the top of my head).

"Well let's here it before we have to go home!" Mikaela said

Miles then gladly turned up the volume on the radio.

_DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!_

_DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!_

"Miles WTF!" Sam bellowed over the loud noise.

Bumblebee nearly fell on his shocks in laughter when he realized what exactly that Zoe did.

Across the street Zoe smiled as she sat back in Kitt's seat.

"I can't believe you did that!" Kitt said to the oriental girl

"I hate bad rap and that song that he was playing was bad rap. So why not bring up the classics." She said smiling to the Shelby.

"Miles turn that shit off!" Sam screamed at Miles.

"I am trying!" Miles replied back

_So never judge a book by it's cover  
Or who you're going to love by your lover  
Love put me wise to her love in disguise  
She had the body of a venus  
Lord imagine my surprise_

At this time Bumblebee commed Kitt

_Thanks man I owe you one,_ he said to the Shelby

_Not a problem it was Zoe's idea_ was the reply

It was then that Miles yanked the batteries off from behind the radio and it finally died.

Kitt decided to take the easy way out and went out of the parking lot and down the road honking his horn along the way.

All the while Zoe blew Miles a kiss and waving before disappearing down the street.

"Remind me not to piss her off again," Miles said


	15. The Shelby and the Triplechanger part 1

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**One shot **

**SHELBY AND SALEEN **

**Part 15: The Shelby and the Triplechanger part 1: Shockwave**

Now if anyone knew Shockwave then they would know that he is one cold sparked mech.

He was currently in helicopter mode sitting down on the paddock made for his type of helicopter. He was musing over all the experiments that he had done in the past and then what not. Now normally Shockwave would gladly have continued the war in Megatron's name.

But seeing as Megatron is no longer in charge then the triplechanger had to deal with the cunning Starscream. And that fact that he discontinued the war for many reasons; leaving Shockwave without anything to do or any goals in mind.

Being now that the war is over Shockwave was stuck on his own.

His own supplies are to revive all the fallen Decepticons and hopefully get rid of Starscream.

But that was not to happen.

-------LATER------

Mike and Kitt were on their way back from yet another mission when Kitt suddenly stated.

"Michael I am detecting an abnormal amount of pressure in your digestive track is there anything wrong?" Kitt asked.

"Yeah I have to go to the bathroom Kitt so can we pull over for a bit; I really have to go," Mike replied.

Kitt happily complied as he pulled over to let Mike use the bathroom at a nearby gas station.

Not knowing who was behind it.

-----BEHIND THE BUILDING-------

Shockwave picked up the signal just as the Shelby pulled up to the gas station he was hiding behind.

It was Cybertronian and he wanted to know more since it did not speak of Decepticon or Autobot.

Looking over through the security cameras Shockwave was surprised to see the Shelby as it seemed to refuel a bit from the nearby gas pump without anyone noticing.

The human had long since disappeared into the shop to use the rest room.

Shockwave was fascinated by this mech and more so he could not help but drool over the shiny alt mode and the sleek wheels.

He just could not get his optic off the Shelby.

Now he was starting to feel something from within the triplechanger as his spark began to pound in his chest.

"My, my you are a fine specimen," he said to himself as he zoomed in on Kitt's aft.

If he had mouth parts Shockwave would have been licking them by now.

---MEANWHILE----

"Ah I feel so much better," Mike said as he gotten back into Kitt.

The Shelby was unusually silent as they drove off.

"Kitt are you alright?" he asked the Shelby.

"Michael do you get the feeling that someone is watching you?" Kitt asked

"Sometimes why?" he asked the Shelby

"Well I can't shake this feeling that something is watching my every move," Kitt replied as they pulled out of the gas station and onto the road.

Little do they know that Shockwave took off twenty minutes behind them and was high enough that he stayed well away from Kitt's sensors.

He stayed well above them observing how the little Shelby drives at such speeds on the ground.

_Ah how beautiful the way he drives makes me want to overload here and now. _

Shockwave was so entranced that he nearly failed to notice the plane coming right at him. It was a good thing that he saw the plane in time and moved out of the way.

As he followed the Shelby he was getting more and more fascinated and not in a logical way either.

He managed to follow them back to the SSC. As he hovered there Shockwave was all smiles on the inside.

_You are mine now my sweet_ he said to himself.

As he swooped in to take his quarry they disappeared into the hanger.

"Slag," he said out loud and flew off to wait for his prey.

-----MEANWHILE-----

"Kitt you are fine there is no one outside the SSC," Mike tried to soothe the Shelby but to no avail.

Kitt was currently in mech mode looking constantly out the door as if trying to hide form something. His optics kept scanning the tunnel as if expecting something to show any minute.

"Kitt would you cut it out?" Sarah said

"No," was the reply

"Come on man why are you so scared of what ever the hell is up there?" Billy asked

"I like to see you go up there and check?" Kitt said not taking his optics off of the entrance.

"Oh jeese!" Billy said as he got up and walked over to the entrance and began to walk up.

-----OUTSIDE-----

Shockwave was more then happy to wait outside the hanger as he hummed to himself. His single optic was bright with glee as he waited for his new found interest to come out.

The doors opened slightly and out came a human dressed in shabby clothes from too many long work nights.

Shockwave's single optic looked down at him.

----BILLY-----

Billy could only stare at the single optics of Shockwave as the triplechanger stared down at him. He swallowed hard in his throat and turned slowly away from the large purple mech and slowly backed into the shelter and closed the door behind him.

Billy was more then in shock when he returned to the main control room.

Kitt was already there grabbing him and making him look at him in the optics.

"Was there someone there?" he said

Unable to speak Billy nodded

"See I told you!" Kitt said

"You mean there is someone out there? Who is it Billy?" asked Zoe as she came up to him with an ice pack seeing as he was sweating his brains out.

"Um I don't know his name but there is a large one optic mech standing out there as if waiting for something," he said

"Or someone," said Sarah now looking at Kitt.

There was a sudden knock at the door and it was Billy who rushed to answer it.

"Who is it?" he asked

"Delivery," said a voice and he opened the door.

"Here for you," said Billy as he came back in a few minutes later.

In his hand was a bouquet of roses all deep red with a purple heart shaped card on it.

Taking the card Zoe was the one who read it to herself and then her face turned red.

"What is it?" asked Mike coming over.

To his shock the writing was in Cybertronian and unable to read it.

"I think we need a better translator," said Zoe as she turned toward where Toby the cell phone was playing a PSP on Sarah's desk.

"Toby can you translate this for us?" she asked the phone.

Putting down the game Toby hobbled over to where they were at and looked at the writing. Seeing as they can speak but not read the language Toby scent a photo of it towards the Autobot headquarters and towards the mechs who can read it.

Suddenly there was an instant reply as Toby displayed the writing on the wall.

"Oh my God!" said Zoe as she burst into laughter.

The others did the same.

On the screen it read:

_**Mars is red, Uranus is blue, the skies are mine and so are you. **_

_**Your optics are like pure emeralds **_

_**Your armor like the darkest night of space**_

_**Your spark like the sun **_

_**That struck me in the face**_

_**Oh how I long to touch you **_

_**To feel you **_

_**To bang you**_

_**And to love you **_

_**My sweet black hole pull me in**_

_**May our fluids combine into one**_

_**May we overload till our circuits are gone **_

_**May our sparks be bound forever in this sweet embrace of love. **_

"What the hell?" said Mike

----OUTSIDE----

As the holoform of the Delivery man disappeared Shockwave if he had a face would have been blushing while he held his hand to his face.

"That was the least I could come up with and I hope he likes it," he said out loud.

All the while Kitt refuses to leave the SSC till Shockwave is gone.

**I had to do it**

**I just had to do it I was stuck in my processor for so long I just had to do it. **

**Blackdragon**


	16. The Shelby and the Dead Mech

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**One shot **

**SHELBY AND SALEEN **

**Part 15: The Shelby and the Dead Mech**

"Ah this is the life," said Mike as he and Sarah shared a vacation together in Diego Garcia.

Kitt could not have agreed more as he leaned back against a dead tree with his hands behind his back and the waves lapping at his legs.

Optimus and Ironhide too were doing the same thing with Optimus placing wax on his body while Ironhide was using his left cannon to help the humans cook their food.

Will, Epps and Ron Witwicky were busy making barbecue for the kids.

Sarah and Judy were on the sand getting a tan while Annabelle was busy trying to make a sand castle using a crab as decoration.

Sam, Mikaela, Miles, Barricade and Bumblebee were in the water splashing each other.

Frenzy was with Ratchet studying the local wildlife and Starscream was surfing the waves.

Jetfire was in stasis nap enjoying the sun while Thundercracker and Skywarp were busy with reading porn.

Scorponok was having too much fun with the sand beside Annabelle and Epp's Kids to care about anything.

All in all it was a vacation that they all needed.

The smaller earth bots were having a time of their lives playing amongst the waves with inner tubes and snorkels.

After the incident with Shockwave and the fact that he was a homosexual mech Kitt suddenly decided that a vacation was much needed.

And so it was they are found here on an isolated beach enjoying the sun.

"Energon anyone," said Skywarp as he passed out some ice cold cubes full of energon and surprisingly something that looks like a lemon.

"My thanks to you my friend," said Optimus as he slid down a dark pair of shades for optics that he keened off of Jazzes old stuff and sat there enjoying the weather.

Suddenly something coughed to the right and they all turned to find the least likely mechs to show up.

Covered in coral, seaweed and crustaceans were none other then the dead mechs that everyone thought was gone.

Megatron, Blackout, Brawl, Bonecrusher, and Jazz

All five mechs looked as if hell had blown over.

"Oh my god!" said Mikaela as they scrambled to get to safety.

Megatron walked over to Optimus who had his swords out ready for a fight just like the leader of the Decepticons when suddenly.

"Do you have anything to get this stuff off of me?" he stated.

The others just stared at him.

"What?" Megatron said

"Um aren't you going to blow us up and kill us?" stated Bumblebee.

"No, now that I am now considered dead it is time for a nice long vacation from my boss," Megatron stated as he plopped down and helped himself to Optimus's cold energon drink.

"Hey!" said Optimus

"Well I was thirsty and this was tempting," Megatron said as he leaned back against the next dead tree.

The others stared even Starscream had stopped surfing to join them.

"Um so we are not going to fight?" stated Barricade

"What? Hell no I as this moment am no longer lord of the Decepticons and…" there was a long pause there, "Am on permanent vacation," he said.

Blackout being the quietest of the group managed to find Scorponok who was more then glad to get the coral off of his master's back.

"Um so what are we going to do now then?" Starscream stated

"Tell that boss of mine to shove it!" Megatron stated

It was then that Megatron's comm. came to life and seeing as he had placed it on speaker he smiled when the face of the fallen showed up.

"MEAGATRON WHERE ARE YOU?! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FIND MY MACHINE!" he stated

"Your soda machine?" Megatron shot back making everyone snicker

"WHAT!" was the reply from the ugliest Decepticon that Megatron had ever met.

"Yeah you heard me your soda master? I should say this is my chance to say that I am forever going to love this…I quit you over grown pussy!" he said

The so called 'Fallen' had growled in his vocal processors.

"You quit! There is no quitting the cause!" he said

"There is now dick wad the war is over I no longer have to pretend that I want to kill something and I get to have the biggest vacation that I ever wanted," Megatron stated as fact.

Sputtering the fallen was visibly shaking with rage.

"How dare you," he growled even lower in his throat.

"Oh and by the way the Decepticons are no longer in your service as of this day we all call it quits." He said this while slurping a cold cup of energon with ice cubes inside.

Optimus handed him a pair of shades that he had and Megatron gladly put them on and crossed his legs while flipping his boss off.

The fallen was clearly pissed off by now as he started to shout and swear at Megatron only to have the said former leader crank up the music on the nearby radio.

The others started laughing including Optimus as Megatron cut his line before he could finish.

"Now does anyone have any of that wax to go with it.

They all could only stare at him.

**this was a major brain fart I just had to write **

**I am serious I just had to write it I could not get it out of my head until I wrote it down. Now it was not intentionally meant to be that funny so I figure that I would just do it anyways. **

**The next chap promises to be better when I have another brain fart. **


	17. The Shelby and the F15

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**One shot **

**SHELBY AND SALEEN **

**Part 17: The Shelby and the F-15 Eagle**

"Um guys why are you dragging me into this?" said Kitt as he and Mike stood with Optimus Prime and Megatron overlooking Las Vegas.

"Because my neutral friend you are about to have the time of your lives," said Megatron as he stood there with the sunglasses still on his head looking cool.

"Now Skywarp is supposed to be here now where is he?" asked Starscream who stood off to the side of Optimus.

As if on cue both Skywarp and Barricade appeared. Barricade sported Las Vegas colors on his side and Skywarp in his black F-15 eagle disguise landed gracefully off to the right of Megatron.

Right on Optimus's shoulder was none other then Epps while they waited for one more mech.

A black GMC Topkick rolled right up and transformed into Ironhide with Will on his shoulder.

"Alright ladies are you ready to rock Vegas?" Ironhide asked

"We are just waiting for Bumblebee," said Optimus

Sure enough the sounds of an engine could be heard and Bumblebee pulled up.

Sam gotten out of the vehicle with Miles both smiling like mad men.

"So you got the fake ID'S?" Sam asked and Will held them up.

"Are you guys ready for the time of your lives?" he said to the boys and they nodded.

"Ok Ironhide bring out the drinks!" he said

Ironhide brought out the drinks and laid them down on a nearby rock. Both human alcohol and Cybertronian high grade were laid out for them as they each took one drink.

"Ok boys this is it! To the greatest event in the history of the universe!" said Megatron as he held up his cube.

"You got it Megs," said Bumblebee as he gulped his down.

The others followed suit and gulped theirs down.

**THE NEXT MORNING**

"Oh my aching processor!" complained Ironhide as he woke up to find that everything around their base of operations was a mess.

Was that a light of a naked lady on the rocks behind him?

"Oh shit 'Hide why did you ram me with your grill?" complained will as he woke up with a major hang over.

"No shit Sherlock that one hurt," said Mike as he woke as well only to have the cold wind blow across from him.

Looking down he realized that he was but naked with a manikin of a hot female on top of him with its plastic hand still near his genital area. Shaking the fake woman off he practically shouted when it did not let go.

"What the fuck is going on and…why are you naked Mike?" asked Epps as he came of his tent.

He was not unscathed either for he was wearing a tight outfit with purple tiger stripes on it and a pair of sunglasses that looked like something for Elton John.

"Holy shit what the hell happened last night," said Sam as he and Miles emerged covered in body paint over their boxer shorts.

"I have no clue," said Will as he looked at the two boys.

Both of them looked at each other and then…

"HELP GET HIM OFF OF ME GET HIM OFF!" screamed a voice

"Now, now my love you were really good last night why do you have to do this to me now," said a voice that they did not recognize

Looking at each other the humans and the single Autobot ran towards where the screaming took place.

A look of shock was on everyone's features.

There over the hill was the rest of their group minus one member.

Barricade woke up with his paint redone in hot pink and foam strings.

Starscream had the image of a sexy woman on a pole painted on his wings

Bumblebee was…well leaking smelly lubricants all over him with a happy look on his face.

Megatron was well….

He was singing still yet to a chicken while in recharge.

That left one person and they all turned and to their horror.

Kitt was being straddled by a very love sick Shockwave who was more then happy to nuzzle his face in Kitt's chassis while trying to finger him for a while.

"GET HIM OFF OF ME!" Kitt shouted.

The others nearly dead panned at the sight of that.

Shockwave looked like he was carrying a whip with him with a maid outfit on Kitt. The poor mech was getting whipped into submission.

The humans looked horrified by the act and it was thankfully Megatron that stepped in.

"SHOCKWAVE GET OFF OF HIM!" he said and the said triplechanger looked shocked to be found out and disappeared with a change of gears and rotors.

"Oh my Primus!" said Skywarp as he finally gotten to the scene to see poor Kitt on the ground.

He helped Kitt stand up and dust him off. The lipstick still on his face plates made him look like a femme.

The others were in shock.

Megatron was the one who walked up with a cloth he pulled out from subspace and cleaned the makeup off of Kitt.

"Thanks," said Kitt

"Um what happened last night?" Sam asked as they looked around.

"We have no idea," said Thundercracker as he too emerged from around the hillside with his wings painted in images of naked ladies.

Skywarp had the image of a dolphin and some other things painted along his flank.

"What the hell happened to you guys?" asked Sam

"We don't know," said Megatron

"We don't remember a thing," said Bumblebee

"Hell I don't think we even remember," said Epps as he looked down at his gay outfit.

"Just what the hell happened?" asked Barricade as he came over.

"How the hell should I know I woke up to some psycho trying to screw me again," said Kitt.

"Um guys," asked Miles

"What?" they all said at the same time

"Where's Optimus?" he asked

They all looked around…

"SLAG!" they said at the same time.

**This was inspired by the 'Hangover,' go watch it! It is hilarious!**


	18. The Shelby and the Triplechanger part 2

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 19: The Shelby and the Triplechanger 2 Soundwave**

"Hey why isn't this thing going?" Sam grumbled as he tried to change the channels again and yet nothing moved.

"What is going on?" asked Mikaela as she and Sarah walked out from behind the kitchen counter.

"I have no clue and for the longest time I wanted to watch this documentary on dragons. What I get instead is this crap!" Sam said pointing to the T.V.

"_Oh Maria how I waited so long for you to be in my arms at last!"_ the person on the T.V. said.

"Oh my God! Are you watching Soaps?" Miles said to Sam as he plopped himself down on the couch.

"It is not me damn it! It is this stupid cable connection," Sam complained.

It was then that a Shelby Mustang pulled up and Kitt greeted Bumblebee with a flash of his lights.

Bumblebee replied with flashing of his own as a greeting.

"Sam your friend Kitt is here," Judy called from downstairs.

"Coming mom!" Sam called as he ran down stairs to where the Shelby was parked in the driveway.

"Yo Kitt what's up?" Sam asked

"Samuel why is there a Decepticon signal coming through your satellite dish?" Kitt asked

"What?" Sam said as he ran up the stairs towards his room and then to the attic on the other side of the stairs.

Pulling the rope that led to the attic he ran up the stairs followed by the others leaving Kitt in the driveway with Bumblebee. As he exited the hatch on the roof and came out he was surprised to find nothing wrong with the satellite.

"Um Kitt there is nothing wrong with the satellite," said Sam as he looked around.

"I am not wrong Samuel," said Kitt

"It is _Sam_ not _Samuel_," Sam replied

"Alright I will refer you to Sam." Kitt said from his car form.

"Well that is taken care of what the hell do you mean there is a satellite signal you said that is Decepticon?" Mikaela asked

"That is correct there is a signal but it is not originating from anywhere on Earth," said Kitt

"So from space then?" asked Sam

"Correct," said Kitt

"Let's go to your place Kitt and ask Frenzy to help us find the source," Bumblebee suggested

"NO!" said Kitt

"Why not?" asked Mikaela

"Because _he _is there waiting that is why I am here," Kitt replied

"_He_? Who is He?" asked Miles

"The purple transformer that changes into two other forms," Kitt said with a hiss to his voice.

The others started to laugh at his predicament.

"You mean Shockwave," Bumblebee said

"Don't say his name!" Kitt hissed and on cue a sound came from overhead.

Kitt tensed as the sound came closer and closer and suddenly a large Pave Low helicopter appeared over them. Sighing through his intakes he seemed relieved to see Blackout instead of Shockwave.

"So this is where you were hiding," said Blackout as he transformed right there and was careful of Mrs. Witwicky's flowers.

Scorponok waved with his tail from Blackout's back.

"What are you doing here?" asked Bumblebee

"Looking for him?" he said pointing to Sam

"What for?" Sam asked

"Um something about a new movie about giant alien robots that is going to be playing," he said

"Hey that is the movie you ordered on pay per view Sam," Mikaela said

"Yeah but what is it doing playing on your T.V.?" Sam asked

"I don't know Megatron wanted to watch his Soaps when that came on," was the reply

The others stared at the Pave Low.

"Megatron watches Soaps?" asked Miles

"Yeah I mean he began watching them every day since we had our new base, and it is kind of embarrassing watching him weep and beg to a viewer," said Blackout with a hand behind his massive head.

The others could only sweat drop at this and just stared.

"Hey did you guys find Optimus?" asked Bumblebee as he just remembered.

"Yeah Thundercracker did found him with lipstick on his face sleeping next to a poll with the viewer on the building showing him dancing on it the night before." Blackout replied

At the mention of that everyone gagged remembering just about two weeks ago their adventures in Vegas.

They all then turned to a station where someone was telling another that their business was about to go boom! In the market and that they wanted to celebrate with some hard core romance.

A little too mushy for the guys and girl there.

"Ok I know my mother loves soaps but please, _please _turn this damn thing off!" Mikaela complained.

Miles was the one who tried but could not turn off the station.

"Didn't we try that but it failed badly?" asked Sam

"Yeah but what is the deal with the Decepticon signal?" asked Kitt

"I think I finally figured that one out," Barricade said to Blackout and pointed to the satellite.

"Hey Frenzy got a lock on to the signal yet?" he asked the smaller hacker as he finished typing on a laptop.

"Yes, yes patching to Kitt now," he said

Kitt's front hood lit up and there an image appeared of a strange looking mech. He looked to be like a satellite almost and boy was he ugly to begin with.

"Um is that Soundwave?" asked Bumblebee

"I believe it is," said Blackout and quickly called him.

The image of the mech answering the phone like he had a blue tooth was funny enough. When Blackout finished however he was more then a little flustered.

"So what happened?" asked Barricade

"Apparently Soundwave accidentally transformed into the wrong form and gotten stuck on a communication's satellite now he has it off centered and the wrong signals are going to the wrong people. The original signal is going to Sam while Megatron is getting…"

----DECEPTICON HEADQUARTERS---

"Um My lord why are we watching 'Sister Act'?" Starscream asked Megatron as he sat down on the couch.

Normally the mech would be reading a book but this was entertainment enough.

"What the slag happened to my Soaps?!" Megatron demanded slamming his fist into his chair.

"Why are you so concerned?" asked Starscream not looking up.

"I wanted to know if John managed to ask Kate to marry him and if Rebecca and Charles admitted their love for Winston and Eddie!" Megatron demanded with tears coming out of his eyes.

Starscream only shook his head.

----AUTOBOT HEADQUARTERS----

"Hey man I wanted to watch Sister Act!" complained Ironhide as he was sitting on the couch in the main lounge area with Sarah Lennox.

Both had ordered the movie online and wanted to watch it.

"Ok why are we watching Pinky and the brain?" asked Sarah

"I have no idea," replied Ironhide.

-----IN ANOTHER DIMENTION-----

"WHERE IS MY CARTOONS! I WANTED TO WATCH MY CARTOONS! BLAST YOU ALL TO THE PIT!" the fallen screamed at his viewer and throwing the remote.

"DAMN CABLE CONNECTION!"

----SAM'S HOUSE----

"So let me get this straight Soundwave was the one who hooked up the free cable with you guys, but somehow screwed up the signal?" Sam asked

"Yep," replied Blackout.

"Oh boy I wonder how long this will last," Sam said

----SOMEWHERE IN SPACE-----

"Oh scrap was it the red one or the green one that directs the signal to the west coast?"

A lone figure was trying to fix the signal only to fail miserably.

"SCRAP!"

-----ANOTHER DIMENTION----

"WHY IS THERE GAY PORN ON MY STATION!"

-----SOMEWHERE NEAR SAM'S HOUSE-----

"What the pit happened to my Porn!" complained Shockwave.

**I DON'T KNOW WHAT CAME OVER ME THIS IS HIGHLY CONFUSING TO MYSELF!**

**blackdragon**


	19. The Shelby and the Fallen

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 20: The Shelby and the Fallen**

Kitt could only stare with Mike on the ruins of the Egyptian landscape with what was left of the pyramids. It was sometime after the whole fiasco with the Fallen and now that it was over everyone seemed to sigh in peace.

Well it did not help that Megatron quit before then and is now having some fun on the beach somewhere in Diego Garcia.

Kitt at the moment was exploring the ancient ruins and what was left of the great Pyramid of Giza.

As he walked around he noticed the various N.E.S.T. soldiers getting parts off of the sand and loading it to planes and helicopters to dump in the same grave yard as where Megatron once was. Well except that it was converted into the best recycling plant on the planet.

"Something stinks here Kitt can't we just go?" Mike asked him

"I am sorry Michael but I am busy trying to decipher these hieroglyphics and it keeps me amused." Kitt replied

"Oh and what does that say?" asked Mike pointing to the pictures on the wall.

"_How to clean the roof of the pharaoh's dog house,_" Kitt replied sarcastically

"Very funny smartass how tell me what it really means," Mike said

"Alright fine! It is just instructions on how to clean a Cybertronian namely the fallen," Kitt replied before walking away.

"That was not very funny," Mike said trying to catch up to his friend.

Kitt shrugged as he slowed down enough for Mike to catch up and then climb on.

Kitt was all too happy to have him go on his shoulder before walking further. Already sun burnt he took a swig from his water bottle and then traveled further towards the main ruins.

When he got there something squished beneath Kitt's foot.

"Ah gross!" Kitt said shaking his foot.

"What? What is it?" Mike asked

"I stepped in something dead," Kitt said and Mike looked down.

"Oh gross!" Mike said eyeing the carcass.

It was a carcass unlike any other with parts all over the place and it looked like something out of aliens.

"Um dude is that the queen alien?" asked Mike

"No, it is a mech Mike," said Kitt

"Then how do you know," Mike asked

Kitt pointed to a certain part of its extremities.

"Oh," replied Mike

While he looked at his friend in shock Kitt was on the only one clever enough to figure it out as he walked closer and kicked the body and scent its head flying in between two pillars.

"GOAL!" shouted a voice and they all turned to find Sideswipe a newly arrived mech on one of the pillars.

"Hey want to play?" said Kitt as he retrieved the head.

"Hey Kitt don't play with the dead bodies!" Mike complained from where he was standing on one of the stone buildings.

"Here Kitt catch!" Sideswipe said as he tossed the head and Kitt more then gladly knocked it from the air with his head.

"HEY WATCH THE HEAD!" shouted a voice and they all stopped what they were doing and stared down at the head on the ground.

"Um…" said Sideswipe

"Um…" said Kitt

"Um…." Said Mike

"Did it just say something?" said Sideswipe

Kitt looked down at the head and gently kicked it.

"Ow! Watch it that hurts!" yelled the said skull.

They all backed away and Mike managed to somehow end up on top of one of the stone buildings.

"Oh my God!" he yelled

"Primus!" yelled Sideswipe as he pointed his blaster at it.

"Oh my aching head," he said

"What is with all the noise!" said someone and they turned to find Megatron looking down at them from the Pyramid that he was trying to fix since the repair bill scent to him was too high.

"Um well he discovered this talking head," said Sideswipe as he pointed to Kitt who was holding the head of the fallen.

"The fallen!" Megatron yelled from his spot on the Pyramid. He transformed and flew down crash landing in the sand.

Getting up he walked over to where they were and held the talking head up.

"I thought Prime killed your ass!" he said

"Yes he did and I want him dead! You hear me I want him dead and you for quitting!" the fallen said

Megatron held the head as far from his face as possible and then thought of something.

Smirking he began to bounce the head on his knee.

"What are you doing!" the fallen demanded

"Game time," Megatron said.

----SEVERAL HOURS LATER----

"Are they still going at it?" Will said as he walked over to Mike who kept score.

"Yep," said Mike as he placed another point for Megatron as he scored another hit.

This whole time the group was playing soccer the fallen was screaming his brains out till his vocalizer finally shorted.

It consisted of the group playing sports from football to baseball to finally soccer with the head of the fallen.

After calling all the local Cybertronians including Scorponok who at the moment was helping Mike keep score the game was at an even tie. It was such an event that the locals decided to join in on the fun by watching and even renting trucks so they can watch the game.

All the while on T.V. and on the Internet people watched as the Fallen was thrown into the field of sand again by Barricade and some of the Constructicons. As they raced to finish and get a goal.

The difference with this game of soccer was that you can use golf clubs, baseball bats, and your hips to hit the head as a way of torture. Broadcasting this was Soundwave who even got a signal to Cybertron and to the nearby Nemesis ship where the hatchlings were being cared for by a very reluctant 'Screamer.

"GO MEGATRON KICK IT EVEN HARDER!" Starscream yelled from his vantage point with a dozen or so newly born sparklings.

On the screen Megatron ran and then with one mighty kick the fallen's head screamed a silent scream as it was flung from the field by hard punt over and out of the field towards….

-----EGYPTIAN WASTE TREATMENT PLANT-----

Now Salvage was a happy drone as he cleaned the nearby tank of one of the waste treatment plants. On the side another by the name of Wreak-Gar was happily working on a new pump; when the sound of someone yelling hoarsely came from the sky and landed right in the middle of the tank right next door.

Both bots looked up from their spots and hurried over to the tank.

There just barely floating was the head of the fallen sputtering curses over all frequencies and they stared at each other. Suddenly the sound of someone whizzing by was heard and Megatron landed.

Looking at the head in the pile of human waste the two bots quickly got it out and cleaned it before returning it to Megatron.

"Thanks!" he said as he flew off.

The two bots looked at each other and shrugged.

All this time the fallen was still screaming at being abused in such a way.

**I saw Revenge of the Fallen and it was F%#%ing Awesome! **

**After I saw the fallen get his head maimed I remembered a cartoon I saw I think it was Billy and Mandy where they were playing with Grim's Skull and this brain fart came on. **


	20. The Shelby and the Twins

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 20: The Shelby and the Twins**

**This was all due to popular demand and a request by my coworker**

Kitt was just staring

And staring

And staring

The one he was staring at was the _UGLIEST_ picture he could come up with. Right in front of him where two different cars and both of them wanted nothing to do with the other.

In fact they were twins in bot form but most would have thought of them as just brothers not twins.

The other pair of twins on planet from this race are not as ugly in fact they are very good looking and aloof but not these two.

They are currently playing video games with Sam's roommate Leo and best friend Miles.

"Come on you Pussy! I am licking you off you damn covenant asshole!" yelled the red one Mudflap.

"Shut your face oyster lips I am going to shove this cap up your ass if you don't move it!" his brother Skids yelled.

"I am going to kick all your asses if you don't shut up!" yelled Miles as he led his team through the enemy defense line.

The game was obviously Halo and so far they are playing online with some other foes which made it even more fun since those foes are bad guys. The group was a mix of both covenant and Spartan soldiers (If you don't know a thing about Halo Covenant are these Alien guys while the face you mostly see on the box are the Spartans or just one Master Chief).

"Oh watch out dude there is one coming up at you on your six," Leo warned

"I got it!" said Skids as he shot at him in the game.

"Kiss this bitch!" he yelled.

Kitt could only stare at them while in his diagnostics bed at the SSC. The large screen T.V. had been moved for entertainment purposes and to allow the Cybertronians access to it. After the bill had been paid in Egypt to fix the pyramids it was decided to move all the stones to reveal the machine inside. Once that was done the machine was moved to another location and the pyramid was restored to its original form. As for the tomb of the Primes it has become quite an attraction for many scientists since the discovery of the Transformers.

The funniest one is the fact that several had volunteered to bring the Nemesis to Earth and move the hatchlings from it to the new facility for them.

It was still in the process but at the moment the group was just content to play on the wide screen T.V.

Mike and the others are out at the moment on a food run while the only one who remained was Billy who is in his room getting over the flu.

It was a big scare really thinking it was the swine flu but then it turned out to be just your normal influenza.

Kitt was trying to recharge when they came and started shouting at each other over the fact that the game is still one of their favorites.

"Hey watch it that one is….ewww that was just gross," said Mudflap as he looked at his guy getting slimed by some sort of creature that resembles a zombie.

"You mean the Flood," said Skids

"Yeah that guy he is just ugly," Mudflap replied his missing teeth dangled from his neck.

Skids looked like a classic Asian statue with huge ears. In fact his brother looks the same except that his eyes are lopsided and he talks in hisses. Both look like compact roller balls except they transform into some sleek cars. That is if they can stop fighting.

"You is ugly too stupid!" yelled Skids

"Who you calling ugly, ugly!" yelled his brother

"You! You ugly but faced smelly google eyed glitch!" yelled Skids

"GUYS!" said Leo as he slightly turned to look at them.

"WHAT?!" they said to him

"Chill out will ya! I am trying to shoot down this hot chick right here," he said and with that he shot the said alien down.

"Kiss that you stink pussy!" he shouted.

The alien he shot down was in fact a hunter class and very ugly.

"Ah slag I was blown up," said Skids as he waited to respawn.

"Hey man I am entering the building," said Miles as he and Leo both entered the building waiting for the twins to back them up.

Kitt could only watch as the twins tried to hurry up.

"You do realize that you have someone on your tail right?" he said to them.

"What was that black boy," said Mudflap

"Don't bring the ethnic jokes into this," Kitt replied

"Why scared?" replied Skids.

"I don't know but I should be with that hunter coming up to you," he said and they both turned and cursed as they got taken out."

The other two humans looked at that when they both got hit by jackals and glared at the twins.

Both of them were fighting on the ground.

Kitt in the meantime was getting very irritated with them and backed out of his recharge berth and transformed. When he did he grabbed both of them by the scruff bars behind their necks and dragged them out of the SSC before they could do any more damage.

"Hey man let us go Kitt," said Skids

"Come on man don't do what Bumblebee did to us in Egypt please!" said Mudflap.

"Oh don't worry I have something much worse in mind," Kitt said smirking to himself his green optics glowing with mirth.

-----SHOCKWAVE'S LAYER--------

"What is this?" he said and opened the package.

Only to receive two very energetic twins flying out of the box.

"Hey man what the hell?" said Skids as he rubbed his head.

"Oh my; what is this," said Shockwave as he looked at the note.

_To my beloved _

_I have a present for you two new toys to consider your own for a few hours_

_On the condition that they are returned to me intact._

_Much love_

_KITT_

"My beloved has sent me presents oh I love presents," Shockwave said happily

"Um Mudflap why do I get the feeling we are about to get an ass whooping," said Skids

"I don't know but I want to run as fast as my legs could go Skids," replied his brother.

Both of them transformed and began to run but not before Shockwave closed the door.

"Now, now there is no need to run away," he said

"HELP US!" they both yelled

----MEANWHILE----

"Hey Kitt what happened to the twins?" asked Leo as he looked at the Shelby Mustang

"Oh don't worry they won't be back for a few hours," Kitt said to them.

"Ok that is fine with me," said Miles

"Hey I got one question though bro," Leo asked turning around in his seat.

"What?" asked Miles

"Who where those dudes that stomped us back there? I mean we were kicking some ass till those guys showed up and killed us," Leo continued

"I have no idea," replied Miles

----DECEPTICON HEADQUARTERS----

"Hehehehehee," Starscream said as he shot down the two Spartans.

"Hey 'Screamer there are two more of them on your right," said Blackout his hands on the other controllers.

"Ok I got him, watch out for that sniper on the top of that tower," Starscream said and Blackout finished him off.

"I got those two idiots who wanted to just stand there and fight," said Megatron.

Right behind them the Fallen's skull mounted on a wall.

In a large room with a large screen sat four Decepticons, Megatron, Starscream, Blackout and the newly arrived Rumble; Frenzy's brother. They were all playing covenant characters on Halo. After killing Leo's group they sat there drinking high grade and going at it some more till….

"Who killed me?" asked Megatron

"I don't know someone gotten me," said Starscream

"There is a sniper somewhere but I can't….Ah slag he killed me!" said Rumble

"Damn set a booby trap right on me," said Blackout

"Alright if I find out who did this I will blow them up sky high," said Megatron.

----AUTOBOT HEADQUARTERS-----

"You got them Ironhide?" Optimus said from his vantage point with his controller in hand.

"Yep those bastards fell right into my trap," Ironhide replied as he fished out some more plasma grenades.

"You have to admit this is a fun game to play eh guys?" said Will as he and Epps held the other two controllers

"You bet good thing N.E.S.T. provides a big screen T.V." said Epps

"All in a days good work boys," said the General on the main control platform.

Laughing they continued to play.

AS FOR MUDFLAP AND SKIDS

-----SHOCKWAVE'S LAIR-----

"Oh primus help us!" they yelled

"Oh come now I have some more where that came from." Shockwave said

Both twins were dressed in pink tutus and had bright pink bows on them. Shockwave was holding a wand like the fairy god mother from hell as he chased after them.

"Lets get out of here Mudflap!"

"Right on it Skids,"

Both twins tore their clothing out transformed and raced away only to have Shockwave after them.

"WAIT DON'T' YOU WANT TO PLAY SOMEMORE!" he said

"NO!" was the reply as they lost him in the tunnels.

----SSC----

Kitt had asked Soundwave to get a feed on that and record every last second of if for him. He along with the other pair of twins Sunstreaker and Sideswipe managed to laugh at the sight of them running from Shockwave.

"Man I am loving this," said Sideswipe

"Yep," replied Sunstreaker

Kitt wanted to just sit there and watch the fun…for that is what they get for irritating him.

**Yep due to popular demand the twins are the latest victims of my brain farts lol**


	21. The Shelby and the Toy Truck

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 21: The Shelby and the Toy Truck**

Now ever since the episode with the fallen the Decepticon now turned Autobot named Wheelie was having the time of his life.

Ok not exactly in those terms.

When he quit the Decepticons, Megatron let him go figuring he was also the same as the former leader of the faction. Well those that came to earth took the time to get to know the Autobots better.

Well the conditions of it were in his favor.

Most of the time

At least he gets to spend some time with his 'Warrior Goddess' as he calls her much to her annoyance.

Currently at the moment while Mikaela was in class Wheelie spent the day cleaning the shop that she recently opened with her father and uncle.

And Wheelie was the janitor meaning he gets to keep the shop clean and ensure that nothing is disturbed.

As he started the final clean up of the day something rolled up into the shop.

"Shop's closed!" he yelled

Some laughter had made him growl low in his throat.

Transforming he rolled towards the entrance and turned on his sensors. He groaned in his skin with dread.

It was the same two kids that always come and give him a hard time.

This time he can't do a thing about it.

National Security and all that crap.

"Hey look Jake it is the toy truck that I told you about!" said one boy he was dressed like a typical punk with white makeup on his face.

The other boy was dark skinned with white paint also.

"Yeah I bet we can get it to roll over like last time." Said the first

Unknown to them and to the poor toy truck a black Shelby Mustang just pulled up without his driver.

Said driver was off sleeping in his hotel room after a rough mission.

Slowly he heard the boys and detected Wheelie's presence.

The poor little bot was shaking when they picked him up and kicked him all over.

Sending a transmission to the small boy as he was being thrown to the wall Kitt seemed to first introduce himself.

_Hello my friend_ he said

The toy truck seemed to relax at the sight of him but the question remained.

_Who are you?_

_I am the Knight Industries Three Thousand but you can call me Kitt I am a friend of Mikaela's and you must be Wheelie_ he said

The toy was then thrown in the direction of the Shelby and landed right on his hood. Sliding down he landed upside down of the Shelby.

_What am I going to do?_ He asked

The two boys walked over to them and picked up the toy truck and began to throw him around again and play like school boys.

_You do have the right to defend yourself you know_ Kitt replied to him

_Um what about national security_ *toss*

Kitt could only sigh, _I sent an EMP pulse around so it should be cool_ he said

_Really?_ Wheelie asked

_Go right ahead have fun_ Kitt replied as he began to record this for Mikaela when she comes back.

In fact it was Mikaela that suggested that Kitt go check up on the little guy seeing as she spotted the bullies on the security cameras. They have been picking on Wheelie for quite some time and she was very worried about why he won't fight back.

Now Kitt knew why.

He was afraid of upsetting Mikaela by breaching national security and destroying the shop.

Well this will fix everything up.

Just as the boy tossed the toy once more time they threw him back into the shop hitting the window. They then turned and ran for the nearest hiding place when the alarms went off.

Kitt rolled over to the shop just as a shaking Wheelie came out from the shop window.

"Aw man my warrior goddess is going to kill me!" he said looking at that.

"Well it is your Warrior Goddess that sent me here in the first place," Kitt said as he rolled up.

"Hey I know you…or at least I've heard of you from the others. When you said your name I then realized that I am talking to the neutral that truly ended the war," Wheelie said smiling.

"Yeah that would be me," said Kitt as he transformed next to the building where no one would see him.

"Yeah I find it weird finally meeting you. Say why didn't you scare those guys away when they were pushing me around eh?" Wheelie asked

"Because my way of doing things is different then yours," Kitt said to him.

"Oh what do you have in mind?" Wheelie asked.

----TWO DAYS LATER----

The boys once again returned to find Wheelie in his truck form outside the shop. Beside him was a remote control with the words, 'REND A TOY FOR 5 DOLLARS, DONATIONS GO TO THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL ON FRONT STREET,' they only laughed.

"Rent a toy how stupid can they be when you can take the toy and not come back," said one kid and grabbed Wheelie.

The other grabbed his so called 'Remote Control' that was actually a fake device created by Mikaela for this purpose.

The boys approached closer, "Hey man it is like this toy car keeps coming back for more. What is it alive or something?" asked one of the boys as he slammed Wheelie down on the ground.

"Hey I think this control is broken," said the other.

"Or it doesn't work," said a voice

They turned to find the car suddenly growing hot.

Dropping the toy they backed away when it suddenly transforms into Wheelie.

The small ex-Decepticon gotten up and smirked, "Hello boys!" he said

Both boys turned several shades whiter then a ghost.

-----SEVERAL HOURS LATER IN SAM'S DORM ROOM-----

"Oh dude this is so outrageous that even I had to cringe at what happened to those two guys," said Leo as he posted the new video on his website.

was getting some new videos and those were even more outrageous then anything anyone has ever seen.

One of those being the two naked hogtied punks at the entrance to Banes Auto Repair and Chop Shop.

Everyone was laughing even Wheelie who sat on the table looking proud. Kitt had finally gotten his new holomatter projector installed and was enjoying the moment. He was of course white with a very intelligent look to him with his slick back hair and tall stature. A bit lean on the build but dark hair and darker green eyes makes him look almost like a Harry Potter look alike.

He was currently sitting on Sam's bed while 'Bee sat next to him trying not to fall over laughing.

Mike who was filled in on the news was sitting in one of the chairs with Mikaela passing out the drinks. Sam was sitting next to her holding her hand while Leo plugged the video up onto the screen.

On the tape was the two boys running for their lives with Wheelie freshly transformed began to shred their close off with his claws. Running like mad they only ran into the wall and falling over.

The dog Bones whom they had brought over from Nevada was then released the chase after them.

Running from the mastiff they tried to get over the wall.

Only to fall on their ass.

At this moment Sam was choking on his drink trying not to fall over with laughter as Wheelie caught up to them.

When Wheelie caught up to them he climbed onto the dog and used him as leverage to jump on the second boy's back.

Screaming for help he had gotten nothing until Wheelie vaporized the lock on the door. Trying to go for the window the toy truck tripped the boy and then dragged his leg towards the dog.

Bones had gotten a hold of the other boy and proceeded to drag him into the shop.

They could hear the boys calling for help as the door was closed.

It was only for five minutes until both boys ran out of the shop screaming with nothing on and body paint all over their naked forms. Trying to save their dignity they ran down the street while being chased by Wheelie on Bone's back.

The smaller bot held a rope and a cowboy hat on his head as he chased them down. When he caught up to them he hogtied them and tied them up to a pole in front of the shop. Both where shivering at this time while he painted a sign in both Cybertronian and English with says.

'HUMILIATE THESE BULLIES TO OUR SOCIETY FOR 5 DOLLARS'

'DONATIONS GO TO HELPING THE CHILDREN IN THE FRONT STREET CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL'

With that everyone could only stare at the forms that were right in front of the auto repair shop.

Low and behold when Mikaela came the next day to find them tied up she could not stop laughing and placed five dollars in the bucket with the slit lid on top.

Wheelie's form was next to the boys.

That was not the humiliating part.

Oh no

The humiliating part was the position they were in for the first boy the darker of the two was on top of the second boy.

Surprisingly people paid well to humiliate these two.

From outraged parents to old ladies who normally scuffed such behavior.

In the end both boys were covered in paint mostly pink paint and many bruises from the paintball guns.

They wore clown wigs and red noses

Girl's makeup on their faces and coconut bras on their chests.

There rear ends had large red happy faces on them.

There was a Decepticon symbol next to the body as Barricade and Starscream came at one point to humiliate the humans.

It was Starscream who painted the rear ends and Barricade who put on the coconut bras.

Now when the other Autobots came in to donate after the boys were cleaned up with the water hose (Being that it is still summer and not quite fall yet) they were sun burnt to humiliation.

Being as they are dark and red Optimus Prime added his decals onto the boy's body in body paint with his holomatter form.

Ironhide just put a target sign on them with the words 'Hide was here'

Then came Megatron who wanted something to do and put flowers around them in a 'REST IN PEACE' sign.

Soundwave when he finally landed placed a radio that played the worst country music around.

The poor boys went through torture with that one and begged to have it turned off.

Now last but not least Bumblebee and Ravage showed up.

Now the newly repaired Ravage lifted his leg up and leg loose a stream of white lubricant all over the boys that smelled very bad.

The doctor that came from Ravage's chassis could not help but add his own humiliation into it.

Let's just say it is unmentionable.

Now last but not least Bumblebee came with some clippers and shaved them bald from head to toe and donated their head hair to charity.

He also painted the sign that said 'I Love Lucy' on their arms.

It was so bad that when the fun was finally done Wheelie rolled right up to them and said,

"The next time you pick on the little guy don't forget we are big on revenge," he said and rolled away flipping them off while he was at it.

It was the biggest hit on his website yet.

And the Front Street Children's Hospital had a generous donation of several thousand dollars from an unknown source to help with the kids fighting against cancer.

Now that was the fun part

The next part was the congrats that they gave to the little bot.

Wheelie was feeling mighty proud and he had Mikaela give him a kiss to show her gratitude. He nearly melted from the sight much to everyone's laughter.

"So Warrior Goddess did you like that?" he said looking at her with pleading optics.

"Yes Wheelie I love it very much you did very good," she said to him

Kitt was just glad to be the one who filmed the whole thing.

**This was a total spur of the moment brain fart spawned from watching 'Men at Work' with Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez along with the scene in transformers that Mikaela tied up the Sector Seven agents. Well the ideas started to grow and then they gotten worse and worse till I wrote it down. **

**Well hope you enjoyed that torture to the extreme. **


	22. The Shelby and the Corvette

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 22: The Shelby and the Corvette **

**OH AND FOR REFERENCE THE ENTITY KNOWN AS ARCEE IS WELL AT LEAST IN THIS FIC THREE DIFFERENT FEMMES. **

Now Sideswipe is normally on the go and on the go means constantly on alert for any Decepticon threat.

But today he was just board.

Not just board

But _very_ board

And that is not a good thing when you are someone who is a fast person and one born to war.

Now that there is no war Sideswipe wanted to do something for once.

Now he knows what Ironhide feels.

So he was sitting on the side of the road watching the cars go by board as hell.

Sighing he wanted nothing more then to blast something to smithereens because he can't save anyone.

Something caught onto his sensors at that point and he wanted to know what it was.

Problem with that is there is no indication that it is Autobot or Decepticon.

Following Sideswipe saw that there was nothing out of the ordinary.

In fact it was by pure chance that this particular Shelby was remaining silent instead of giving off any indignation that it was indeed an ally or a foe.

As he looked again he saw that the Shelby had disappeared and in its place was a black ford pick up. Confused Sideswipe rolled just next to it and ran his scanners to find the Shelby.

He found nothing…

"Hello," said a voice and Sideswipe jumped.

"Whose there?" he asked

"You were following me," replied the voice.

"I was merely trying to state boredom." Was the reply from the corvette.

"Well introducing yourself would be nice," was the reply

"I am Sideswipe an Autobot warrior and you are?" he asked

"I am the Knight Industries Three Thousand but you can call me K.I.T.T." was the reply

"Oh so you are one of those Terraformers?" Sideswipe replied

"You could say that," Kitt replied back as he changed back into his Shelby form.

"Scrap!" Sideswipe said jumping in the air on his hydraulics.

"What?" Kitt asked

"Well I have never really met any Terraformers before only those who have colonized earth several millennia ago," Sideswipe offered.

"Well you met one now," replied Kitt

"And so what are we going to do now?" asked Sideswipe

"Wanna pull a fast one on somebody?" he asked

"Like a prank?" he reply

"Yeah," was the reply back

"Shoots! On whom?" he asked

"The other Autobots of course," said Kitt

"And how are we going to do that?" Sideswipe asked

"We are going to need a little help and I know who to call," Kitt replied

------DECEPTICON HEADQUARTERS-------

Starscream was enjoying the look his tattoos gave him as he twisted and turned in the mirror. Right beside him Megatron was giving him odd looks as he continued to do so.

"Are you going to admire yourself all damn day?" the Decepticon leader inquired

"Are you going to keep watching? Or are you going to admit that getting those tattoos look good on me?" Starscream said

Megatron grumbled under his skin as he walked out only to be confronted by Barricade.

"What do you want?" he inquired

"My lord someone is outside our base and requests your attention," Barricade said and bowed low to let him pass.

Megatron walked out and came face to face with none other then the neutral Kitt and the Autobot Sideswipe.

"What do you two want?" he asked rather roughly

"Want to pull a prank?" they said at once.

Megatron stared at them his optics shuttering and blinking as if they grew another head and asked,

"What?"

"Do you want to pull a prank with us?" Sideswipe asked

"Now why would I want to pull a prank with an _Autobot?_," he asked again

"Well considering the war is over Kitt and I figure that you could use some fun time," Sideswipe said.

Megatron regarded them for a minute.

Then smirked,

"What do I have to do?"

-----SOMETIME LATER----

"Man am I beat," said Optimus as he walked into his room.

There were posters on the walls of hot femmes that he remembered back on Cybertron. He then had some of the NEST personnel print up the images from his data tracks and hang them in his room. Some were of former Cybertronian celebrities and others were of femmes doing some provocative things that only a Cybertronian would understand, or if you were Sam and Mikaela could figure it out really quick what they were. They were really some very erotic pictures of femmes and mechs doing something that humans would not understand very well seeing as they have yet to witness robot sex.

Ironhide called him immature at the time until Optimus walked into his room and saw all the posters of various heroes and hot femmes. Oh Optimus saw the porn that was hidden on a disk under the recharge berth. Both mechs were at that age where if you did not get any for a while then there would be problems. Both had girlfriends true but when they are not around and both males tend to look at other femmes. (Who wouldn't)

Now Optimus sat down by his computer consul that was on a high shelf. It was carried down from the Autobot ship the Ark and managed to be put together along with some human technology. He began to write his report and found that it was done in about ten minutes. Getting up he took a quick dip in his wash rack and went towards his recharge berth not noticing the lack of color on his armor plates.

As soon as Optimus powered down for a recharge he was suddenly unaware of the impending doom cast about on him.

The door opened and Starscream entered the room. Hidden from view he walked over to Optimus and checked to see if he was fully in stasis. Finding that he was and rubbing his claws together he pulled out a sprayer of black paint and got to work.

----IRONHIDE'S ROOM----

Now the reason why Megatron told Starscream to get Optimus is that the seeker had been itching to pay him back for that videotape he had on the party. Megatron was privy to that one and thought it was funny to watch his air commander do the waltz with a drunken Ironhide.

Through he had his own reasons for going after the old Autobot Weapons Specialist.

Creeping into the room he quickly looked at the sleeping Ironhide and got to work.

----THE TWINS ROOM-----

Now Mudflap and Skids were a different story all together their room was filled with various things such as videogame posters and some weird shaped robot that they thought was hot. Sideswipe and Kitt entered first looking both ways. Sure enough the twins were in deep recharge on their separate bunk berths. Careful not to trip any booby traps that the twins had kept in their rooms both bots set to work on their targets.

-----ARCEE, CHROMIA, AND MOONRACER'S ROOM----

The door slowly pushed open and Barricade and Frenzy poked their heads in. Looking around they spotted all three femmes in recharge. Slowly creeping in they were followed by Scorponok. The said scorpion skittered up the walls and looked down at the femmes. Giving the silent signal the other two Decepticons entered the room and pulled out their airbrushes. The door silently shut behind them as they crept over to the three unsuspecting femmes.

----JOLT'S ROOM----

Now Jolt was still awake when Ravage poked his head into the room. Looking around he spotted the Autobot playing some video games. He crept into the shadows and waited for his chance to strike.

It was not long before Jolt turned off his game and headed over to the recharge berth unaware that Ravage was hiding just under the slab of metal. Listening for the tell tale signs of a bot powering down he got to work.

As soon as the said Autobot was fast asleep he crept out. Using his barbed tail he began to set to work on his face.

----AUTOBOT MEDICAL BAY----

Ratchet had just gotten back from recharge and was surprised to see Mixmaster sitting there on one of the berth's giggling up a storm.

"Now what are you up to?" he asked the Decepticon.

"You will see," was the reply.

He was also surprised to find Blackout there watching the monitors in the side room.

"Ok what is he doing in here?" he asked

"Remember when I said I wanted to pull a prank on everyone?" he asked Ratchet.

Then the medic's optics glowed in understanding. A slow smile came to his face as he nodded remembering the conversation.

"Alright I'll go get my tools and you can have your fun," he said with a scary looking smile.

-----HUMAN QUARTERS------

The humans themselves were in the common room for some rest and relaxation. The human teens all were sleeping in their various rooms leaving Will Lennox and Jorge Figueroa out on watch. Both were on break and playing cards enjoying their game.

"You know amigo I get this feeling that something is going to happen," Fig said as he placed his card on the table.

"Yeah tell me about it. It was lucky that Kit told us that the Decepticons were coming over or else we would have been shooting up a storm." Lennox said.

"Well they know the rules as it is," Fig replied

"Yep, hey did you hear from Epps?" Will asked

"Yeah I heard from him well what I didn't want to hear from him," Fig said

"What do you mean?" Will asked

"Dude was getting it on with his girl when he called me," Fig said making a face.

Will also made a face like he wanted to pass out.

"You just had to say that," he said

It was then that a shadow crept past their room. From the looks of it something that resembles the newly repaired Ravage. Both soldiers looked at each other and quickly gotten to the door.

"Pst Ravage!" Fig said calling to the Decepticon cat.

Turning his head and viewing them with his single optic Ravage looked at them. Waving the cat over they looked around.

"How did it go?" Will asked

Ravage wagged his tail mindful to keep his blades put away. His chest opened and Scalpel the doctor crawled up to Ravages head and gave them thumbs up. Looking around and making sure no one is around the two entered the human quarters and waited for the other members of their team.

"They Autobots won't know watz hit them!" Scalpel said laughing as he held onto Ravage.

"Yep and you guys are lucky that Kitt told us about this or else we would have thought it was an attack." Will said

"We knows so dat iz why we brought ze brought ze paint to show youz," said Scalpel showing off his brush.

"Ok guys we won't keep you here any longer so scram," said Fig with a huge smile on his face.

They nodded before they skipped out. Ravage wore a happy look on his face as the doctor rode on him. As he exited the base he was met by the other Decepticons, Sideswipe and Kitt before they ran to the other side of the island.

When they did they fell over laughing.

It was so bad that their systems were overheating just by the images that they showed each other. Amongst them was Ratchet who agreed to be in on the Prank since he begged for it.

"Ok medic we got the other Autobots for ya now where is our reward?" said Megatron

Ratchet smirked as he pulled out several barrels of crude recycled oil along with some freshly made high grade. He handed everyone a barrel laughing as they all drank it up and showed off the pictures.

-----THE NEXT MORNING-----

"Man I feel good," said Optimus as he got up.

When he did however he noticed that something was off, but not at first as he went to the washroom to get cleaned up again. As he did he then noticed that something was really off about him. Finally he looked himself in the mirror and was stunned beyond belief.

----IRONHIDE'S ROOM---

Optics lit up as Ironhide slowly rose from his recharge berth. He stretched his arms out to get the kinks out of his wires and pop a few gears back into place. As he moved out of the berth and onto the floor he moved out of the room to get some energon. Some giggling was heard as he looked at the various humans and few other Autobots that were on base. Not noticing a thing he made his way over to the Rec Room where the energon dispenser was.

As soon as he gotten something to fuel himself up ne noticed the few stares that he had gotten from the other humans.

"What," he said

They all turned away whistling to themselves as Ironhide sat down. They still were trying to hide their laughter as he finished his third cube of earth made energon. He could hear them trying not to giggle and they all turned away when the glared at them.

The door opened again and Mudflap entered. When he did Ironhide looked up

And nearly fainted at the same time that Mudflap stared back at Ironhide. They shuttered their optics for a good five minutes before they spoke at the same time.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU!" they said at once.

-----IN THE HALLWAY------

Optimus was in a stunned daze when he exited his room only to run into Moonracer, Arcee, and Chromia and all were very angry at something and when they saw Optimus they suddenly stopped their chatter and stared at him, at the same time he was staring at them.

----MEDBAY----

Now Skids was due for his checkup so he walked into the medical bay in a daze. Ratchet was already in there and pretending to throw a tantrum again. Cringing he just crawled onto the recharge berth and waited patiently for the doc-bot to finish his daily dose of screaming and yelling. Turning both Ratchet and Skids looked at each other and both could only blink at what the other looked like.

-----HUMAN QUARTERS----

Now the last one to enter the room was Jolt who watched Ironhide and Mudflap with a now recently entered Skids and Ratchet along with Optimus, Moonracer, Arcee, Chromia, and the soldiers. When they were looking it seems that the only ones not affected were Bumblebee who had recently arrived with Sam and Mikaela since Miles is off visiting relatives and Leo is at home and Kitt.

Speaking of the neutral he rolled in with his rider who gotten out to let him transform.

Kitt transformed and whistled at them.

The third person who was not affected was Sideswipe who just returned from patrol.

"Yo what the hell happened here?" he asked

Kitt only shrugged though trying to keep a straight face as he eyed Ratchet who was also trying not to fall over laughing.

The Autobots sported various bright and colorful patterns all over their armor. Optimus sported bright pink flowers and butterflies on his now green and fuchsia and painted like some little kids coloring book.

Ironhide was pink with the pattern of a diaper around his lower end and a crudely painted baby shirt on his chassis area with the words in English. "I have been bad mommy please spank me,"

Skids has been painted purple a really bright purple with a dark purple Autobot symbol on the side that said 'Autobots suck my Popsicle!' and with that it showed another Autobot symbol in bright green sucking a censor sign. His twin Mudflap was painted bright yellow that makes Bumblebee's look dull with the words "Candy Cane, Candy Cane, Bakers Man, Bake me a Energon Cake as Fast as you Can," and there was this annoying song that came out of his radio that would not stop playing.

Arcee was painted black with stars all around her but most notably on her chassis where if she were human certain parts of the anatomy would be with lines connecting them to make her look as if she were naked. Her sister Chromia had hippie flowers all over her body with the words 'Guys rule and girls drool,' on them. Moonracer was painted in neon green and orange stripes with flowers and stars on them with the words 'Kiss my wet aft' in Cybertronian on her rear end.

Ratchet was painted in a dark blue with dolphins and whales all over in the way a two year old would paint them…very sloppy. His face looked as if he had a make over done by some very bad human females since he look like he wore lipstick and eye shadow.

In other words he was one UGLY femme.

The same could be said for Ironhide's face as well since he and the others all supported makeup like paint on their face plates. The only ones who don't are the Arcee triplets. They were all with gothic makeup on them and they all did not look happy with their own appearances when someone projected it onto the ground.

The silence was thick as the Autobots looked at each and everyone of themselves until finally Ratchet, Kitt and Sideswipe could not hold it any longer and began laughing their afts off.

"What in Primus's name is so funny?" asked Ironhide

"YOU!" they all said at the same time.

Growling under his throat Ironhide marched right up to the multicolored medic and pointed his now manicured fingers at him.

"Ok now buster tell me now why the pit are we like this!" was the growl.

----DECEPTICON HEADQUARTERS-----

After returning to their base the Decepticons could not stop laughing at what had just transpired that night. They were sitting around a table in their main Rec area and was passing around the images of their victims.

"Oh Primus 'Screamer I did not know you had it in you to do that to that psychotic Weapons Specialist of all Autobots!" said Blackout as he exchanged pictures of Ratchet posing for the camera.

"Yeah well it was the doc's idea originally that neutral and the other Autobot got involved because it was the right thing to do to honor Jazz." Said Barricade as he showed them the image of the twins.

Scorponok was happily eating an energon treat and staring at some of the funnier moments when the Decepticons had placed the paint on their victims. Finally slurping the last of his energon he skittered onto the table to look.

"Well you think that is bad wait till they walk into the control room." Said Starscream

----NEST BASE----

"What the hell is that!" Ironhide yelled at the top of his vocalizer as he stared at the writing on the wall.

There in both English and Cybertronian was the words….

**HAPPY CREATION DAY JAZZ MAY PRIMUS BLESS YOU IN THE WELL OF THE ALLSPARKS **

**P. S. the Autobots can suck our crankshafts**

**a/n: now this was floating around in my head for a while, and it took me forever to write it down. Oh well here is another classic example of my sick twisted mind. **

**blackdragon**


	23. The Shelby and the Motorcycles

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Well here it goes hope it works. **

**The Shelby and the Saleen **

**Part 23: The Shelby and the Motorcycles**

Now there are some things you never do to a woman.

Never tell a woman she is fat

Never glance down below the face

Never look at her rear end when in the presence of another woman.

Remember to say 'Yes Dear', 'Anything you say dear,' and 'I am on it dear,'

Make sure when she is on her period she has you at her beck and call.

When you come home and she has a headache that means you are taking a cold shower…and everybody knows it.

Never do a verbal comparison of one woman to another it is insulting to them and results you on the couch for the rest of the week.

And last but not least…

The woman is always right… even when pregnant (when she is at her worst)

Oh I had to add one more

When a woman is in labor do not…

I repeat _do not_….

Tell a woman you want another child.

Now Mike, Billy, Sam, Ron, Will and Epps are lounging on Will's couch at his place enjoying a few beers (or sodas in the case of Sam). Miles could not make it because he has a bad cold and Leo could not make due to a paper that was due on Tuesday.

So it was just the five of them watching the game on T.V. the women have gone out to have a good time taking the Autobots Bumblebee and Ironhide with them. The others were out having a good time with various soldiers or still repairing the pyramid.

Well all of them except for Optimus and Ratchet.

Both Autobots had to stay at the main N.E.S.T. base in Diego Garcia to watch out for any remnants of their race.

With them (the boys) was Kitt who was enjoying the refueling by laying out on the lawn enjoying the sun's rays.

The sounds of multiple engines had the Shelby on high alert as three motorcycles pulled up. Two of them supported glyphs on the side of their bodies and the third was just stripes. Now all three of them were giggling and laughing as they pulled up to the Shelby.

Kitt not being used to the sight of femmes decided it was best not to say anything.

The first bike was pink with some glyphs on it as it looked in his direction and giggled to the other two bikes. Kitt tried to hide behind a rather reluctant barn house which has seen better days.

Will was the first one out of the house at the sound of the engines.

"Arcee, Moonracer, Chromia how nice to see you," he said with arms wide open.

All three motorcycles transformed into their respective shapes and gave the major a nod in greetings.

"So what brings you ladies out to the middle of nowhere?" he asked

"Oh we were having a good time on the dirt roads before Chromia remembered that Ironhide had taken up residence here with his human family," said Arcee.

Will smiled at them while the other guys were busy watching the game.

"Well Ironhide is out with the Mrs. And some other girls to help them with their shopping so it is us guys here and Kitt," he said pointing to the barn.

"Kitt?" they asked

"Yeah you know that Shelby Mustang Neutral that has been hanging with you guys sometimes and then going off on his own," said Will.

"Oh him! He is quite handsome even is he is only an earth year old," said Moonracer the purple motorcycle.

"Yeah well I would stay away from him," said Will

The sounds of engines could be heard as Ironhide and Bumblebee came around the corner.

Out from the car stepped Mikaela, Sarah Graiman and Zoe and from Ironhide came Sarah Lennox with little Annabelle in her arms, and Judy Witwicky. The baby was fast asleep as the girls began to unload their shopping supplies which mostly consisted of food.

"Alright boys get off your lazy asses and help us with this!" yelled Judy as she entered the house.

The sounds of complaints could be heard from Ron as they were forced out of the house by Judy. The other girls began taking their bags and setting them in the house. The boys quickly without complaint came and helped them.

"Arcee, Moonracer, Chromia nice to see you!" said Mikaela as she walked up to the three femmes and gave them a hug.

"How is that design job I did for you holding out?" she said and the three femmes loved it.

"Kitt I know you are here!" Ironhide called to the Shelby as Sarah Graiman took the last of the shopping bags out of Ironhide and allowed him to transform.

Kitt slowly came out of the barn.

His tires tried to be silent…

But he was caught.

"Hey there cutie," said one of the motorcycles.

Caught Kitt slowly transformed and turned around to face all three motorcycles and the girls.

"Hi," he said waving shyly.

All three femmes looked at each other then at Kitt.

"Boy are you a cute one," they gathered around him and the Shelby quickly tried to run away from them.

"Hey there don't run when we are talking to you!" said Chromia as she spun to the front of the retreating mech.

Ironhide was grumbling to himself while Bumblebee looked at him with amusement in his optics.

"Now ladies don't go all Blackarachnia on me," said Kitt.

"Oh say what?" said Chromia

"Um I take it you never saw Beast Wars?" Mike said

All three femmes looked it up on the World Wide Web and both growled low in their throats.

Kitt started to back away and positively scared when they surrounded him.

"Are you comparing us to that Decepticon _whore!" _Arcee said easily offended.

"No that is not…." Kitt said trying to fix what he just did.

He turned to Mike for help.

"Hey don't look at me buddy you are the one who started this so you are on your own," Mike said as he waved as his car before hurrying inside.

He also turned to the other mechs but they too vanished.

He was so doomed.

"Now ladies I didn't mean it…" Kitt began

"Don't you dare compare me to some sort of Techno-organic whore!" Chromia said

"SORRY!" Kitt begged

"Leave him alone Chromia he has had enough," Moonracer said as she placed herself in between both Chromia and Kitt.

"Yeah 'Mia he is only an Earth Year Old so give him some slack," Arcee said as she stepped in the line of fire as well.

"Well alright but if he insults me one more time," she said

Just as she caught him looking down at her chassis.

A large back handed slap across the face plates was all that he needed to fall into the mud.

"What was that for Moonracer?" asked Arcee

"He was looking at my chassis," Moonracer replied very annoyed

"Well I was trying to avoid your gaze sorry," Kitt said to her

"Well you are forgiven for now sparkling," Moonracer growled.

"I swear you act as if you are sparking," Kitt mumbled forgetting that he was talking to Cybertronian females not humans.

"What did you say?" said all three.

Kitt knew he was in trouble so he quickly transformed into his attack mode and made a dash for it.

All three motorcycles transformed as well and gave chase leaving the other two Autobots to watch in amusement.

"_Ironhide to Soundwave,_"

"_Soundwave here,"_

"_Are you getting this?" _Ironhide said and sent the conversation to the former Decepticon Communication's officer

"_Yes I am and I am tracking him now_" with that he played the feedback to both Autobots who started to giggle like femmes then fell into laughter.

Soundwave even managed to tap into the sounds to get a better picture of the situation.

Both Autobots could be seen laughing as poor Kitt attempted to get to the hospital to escape the three femmes only to run into another woman.

MEANWHILE

"Holy shit! Someone Help me!" Kitt cried as he tried to avoid another doctor.

He then managed to find a good place to hide and changed his shape to hide his signature just in time. All three motorcycles flew past him.

He then turned on his holoform and exited into the hospital itself.

"Oh there you are quickly we can see a head," said a doctor as he threw something at Kitt and ushered him into a room.

Kitt not knowing what to do quickly gotten dressed as he exited the room.

The doctor was waiting as he grabbed him by the arm and dragged him down the hallway towards the hospital room called 'DELIVERY ROOM,' and he wished he never took this form.

There was a human female with her legs spread wide open screaming at the top of her lungs with sweat dripping down her sides. One doctor a male was looking between her legs and urging her to push.

Push what? Feces or urine into the male's face.

Another male was holding the femme's hand as she was breathing and a few females were busy prepping things.

"It is about time you got here Jonathan now take her other hand and hurry up!" said the man holding the female and Kitt quickly ran over then to take her other hand.

"Alright Mrs. Diego now push!" the man between her legs said and the woman screamed.

While she screamed she squeezed Kitts hand a little too hard enough to hear a few pops come from it. The pain was intense on both Kitt and the female and he knew that unless he turned his holoform off he was sure he had broken a hand.

Looking towards the window he quickly spotted the three femmes running around looking for him in their own holoforms so he quickly diverted his face to hide.

As she pushed again Kitt felt the pain in his hand increase with each contraction.

A joke came to mind while he felt the pain.

"Hey honey do you want to have another one after this?" he said

It was a joke he heard Mike tell Billy once about water melons and apples.

The glare he got in return turned his circuits cold in an instant.

"After all this you want me to have _ANOTHER ONE!" _she hollered and Kitt knew he was in trouble.

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

"Congratulations Mrs. Diego it is a boy," he said holding the bundle out to the couple.

Kitt's head was spinning when the doors flew open again and a man that looked exactly like him ran in.

"Sorry I am late honey there was an accident…who is this?" he asked his voice filled with anxiety as he looked at Kitt's pale figure.

"Um time to go," with that he vanished leaving the couple to stare in shock.

---

Kitt returned to his true form and just as he turned the lights on and scanners up he now faced three problems right in front of him.

MEANWHILE

"Hey has anyone seen Kitt?" Mike asked

"No I have not seen him since he tore out of here with all three motorcycles at his heels." Billy replied while sipping a beer and enjoying his steak.

Laughter was heard outside as Will poked his head out.

"Alright boys what is so funny?" he asked

"Just turn on the T.V. Will and you will enjoy this," Ironhide said

Will turned the channel that they were watching to a specific one that he used when Autobots and now Decepticons also wanted to show what they had just watched.

To his astonishment it was Kitt getting mauled by three femmes, four humans and a bunch of dogs…poor guy.

All the while being painted in graffiti colors and dressed up in bright pink bows and a pacifier in his mouth.

All the humans looked at the image and then began laughing hysterically.

The three femmes were busy painting his finger tips and face plates all the while he was tied up and crying.

"God he will not live that one down can I have a copy of that?" asked Mike

"Sure," said Bumblebee as he downloaded it to his blackberry.

" 'Hide get this on You-Tube," Will said and Ironhide complied.

DECEPTICON HEADQUARTERS

Frenzy was laughing hysterically as he looked at the new video on You-Tube. Starscream was on the ground pounding it with his fist face in lubricants laughing. Megatron was holding his chassis along with Barricade and doing the same.

Blackout was holding onto Mixmaster and everyone was having a hard time getting up.

DIEGO GARCIA

Now if anyone wanted to see comic relief they should have seen Optimus Prime and Ratchet on the ground holding each other and laughing hysterically. The rest of the staff of Diego Garcia also was laughing hysterically with tears in their eyes. They could not hold themselves up at the sight. The rest of the Autobots that previously returned also joined in on the fun. Skids and Mudflap where hugging each other laughing.

"Man I am so glad it is him not us this time," they said

MEANWHILE

Poor Kitt was struggling with trying to get out of this alive when all of a sudden.

"Oh my precious you look beautiful," said a very familiar purple mech as he came around the corner.

"HHHHHHEEEEEEELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!"

end


	24. The Shelby and the Dinobots

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS AND KNIGHT RIDER 2008 THEY BELONG TO NBC AND HASBRO/TAKARA/PARAMOUNT THANK YOU**

**A/n: this is totally a brain fart that I had while taking a nap after watching the pilot episode of Knight Rider 2008 off Limewire. Then I watched a few episodes on then rewatched Transformers to get this funny idea. **

**Alright folks I am back with this new idea so hopefully this brain fart is as funny as I think it might be. **

**THE SHELBY AND THE DINOBOTS**

"Me Grimlock Hungry," said a rather gruff voice.

Mike winced at the sound of that gigantic mouth by his face as Grimlock in dino mode gave him a heart attack at his appearance. The Autobots at N.E.S.T. had found him and others like him stuck in the ground all around the globe. They were fossilized like the dinosaurs and thus took their shape.

Grimlock only smiled at Mike, "Me Grimlock HUNGRY!" he complained

Then again their brains are still like that of children.

"Michael I think it would be a good idea to feed them," said Kitt as he rolled up in his truck form with some cubes of energon for the Dinobots.

"Me Slag want energon," he said and marched up in his triceratops form and grabbed a cube.

But not before Sludge the Apatosaurus took the energon first.

"Me Sludge want this one," he said

Getting angry Slag transformed and took the cube from Sludge,

"No its mine!" he said

They both started to fight

In the meantime Swoop was busy playing with his teddy bear and sucking his thumb while Snarl rolled around in the dirt enjoying a mud bath.

"Me Grimlock Hungry!"

"Just wait a moment will ya Ratchet should be here soon," Mike protested

"But I am hungry now!" Grimlock protested as he hopped up and down wagging his tail and drooling causing the ground to shake and the skies to rain drool.

"Ewww cut that out," Mike protested.

Kitt was thankfully a good distance away enjoying his energon.

The others seemed to enjoy theirs after settling down.

It was only Grimlock that was protesting since he needs twice as much and he only had one cube. Kitt had to step in once again and toss a cube to the Tyrannosaur who ate it up greedily.

He then came up to Kitt tail wagging like a dog and tongue hanging out.

"Kitt give Grimlock more," he said

**WHACK!**

Grimlock had tears in his eyes at Kitt. Then turned to the source of the sudden pain on his head.

"Bad Dinobot you should ask nicely using the magic word." A new voice said and Ratchet stood behind Grimlock with a bag of Dinobot food over his shoulder.

The big picture of a Dinobot smashing through the food was enough to get everyone off their rear ends and start to charge Ratchet.

Thinking of a quick get away Ratchet tossed the bag into the air and the Dinobots charged.

Smashing into each other head first they all went down.

"Gime! Gime!" they yelled as they started to chow down.

Kitt was fast enough to stay well away until.

"Um Ratchet where is Michael?" Kitt asked

"I don't know," Ratchet said

"Oh snack!" said Slag and Mike screamed as he was swallowed whole.

"Um Slag me Swoop think that is not snack," said the Pteranodon.

Slag was about to eat again when he heard pounding from his metal stomach and loud protests from inside.

"Me Sludge think you Slag ate human," the Apatosaurus said to him

The triceratops looked sick for a moment as curse words of protest came from within and something began to make banging noises right back up Slag's throat till finally Mike forced the surprised jaws open and crawled out covered in munched up Dino Chow, oil and lubricants.

"Yuck!" he said as he looked at himself.

He was hardly recognizable as Grimlock came around and with his big tongue licked all that stuff off of Mike.

"Me Grimlock think you Mike no taste good," he said

"You wanna bet!" Mike protested.

Grimlock then thought about it and then swallowed Mike himself and Kitt and Ratchet winced when they heard Mike go down Grimlock's throat. His streams of curses traveled all the way down to the bottom and they heard a splash and Mike's protests.

Grimlock then happily ate the rest of his portion of his bowl of Dino chow.

When he was done he and the other Dinobots walked away to enjoy a long nap.

Well that nap never lasted long.

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

"Me Grimlock have bad belly ache!" Grimlock protested when he ran up to Ratchet's a few hours later.

"What is it now?" Ratchet protested when Grimlock transformed to robot mode.

"Me Grimlock have bad belly ache can't make it stop," he said rubbing his stomach.

Sighing Ratchet handed him a bottle of laxative and Grimlock downed the whole thing.

About a few minutes later Grimlock had a full blown belly ache as he ran for the bathroom.

LATER

Optimus was talking to Sam and enjoying a game of chest when…

His face scrunched up as he picked up the most foul of odors. Sam also scrunched up his nose when he picked up the scent.

"Shit! who bombed Tokyo?" he asked

"No one Samuel, Tokyo is still standing," Optimus said

"It is a term of speech meaning who took a dump," Sam said

"Oh," Optimus replied as he turned off his holoform because the smell was that potent.

"Who in the world left that awful stench!" protested Ironhide as he came out from his room with a can of Febreeze.

Spraying the substance around he held his nose.

"Reminds me of the time the entire country was doused in that horrid gas," he said still remembering the cows falling over because of said stench.

"Ho man who the hell bombed that one," yelled Epps as he and Will entered with gas masks on.

The entire complex at N.E.S.T. in Diego Garcia was in an uproar at the smell that was obviously coming from one of the bathrooms.

The other Dinobots stood to the side with their noses being held up by clothes pins.

"Me Slag no like smell so me burn," he said

"SLAG NO!" the newly arrived Wheeljack said as he tried to stop the Dinobots.

But it was too late.

The entire base was smashed to smithereens leaving nothing behind except the crew quarters.

And a very embarrassed Grimlock sitting in crouched form as dark piles of a very nasty smelly substance was being dropped from his aft.

Every member of N.E.S.T. turned towards the Dinobot in horror both human and Autobot.

Grimlock could not stop because his body would not respond.

"Me Grimlock say what you want?" he grumbled.

It was then that the wind blew and so did something else.

"Ah man do you guys have to be so smelly when you take a shit?" Will said to Ratchet.

"Just like you humans are," he replied

The whole base started gagging at the stench of it all.

Well except for the fact that something rather large emerged from Grimlock's rear end.

Landing in the pile which no longer was a toilet.

Choking and sputtering Mike emerged from the pile covered in the dark brown substance and fuming with all his might.

When the last of the pile landed on Mike he felt much relieved.

Taking in a breath of fresh air for the first time in hours he turned towards the Dinobot who is now holding his nose with his tiny hands.

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DISGUSTING THAT WAS!" he shouted at Grimlock and the Dinobot was horrified at the smell of Mike.

"Me Sludge understand you Michael Knight smell like him Grimlock's shit," the Apatosaurus said

"No me Michael Knight was eaten by him Grimlock and then crapped out of his ass that is what and further more Sarah is probably going to kill me for standing her up on our date tonight," Mike screamed.

"Standing who up?" said a voice.

Mike went stiff as he slowly turned and found Sarah standing with Optimus and Sam laughing even though Mike smelled worse then anything she could imagine.

"Sarah," he whispered scared to death of what is going to happen.

Sarah took an amused look and held up a camera for all to see and flashed images of him coming out of Grimlock.

Horrified Mike tried to stop her but she only laughed as Kitt transformed and she gotten in.

Driving off Mike yelled for her to stop and give him the photos.

Only to see her form in the distance disappearing.

MEANWHILE

"Me Grimlock feel much better now but Me Grimlock also very hungry," he said.

"Well you can start by cleaning up this mess and then rebuild this facility before you can eat," Ratchet and Wheeljack said to him.

All the Dinobots turned to glare at their leader whom had started this whole mess by taking a dump anyways.

Turning towards the mountain of crap just next to them the newly arrived Hound gladly gave them shovels and some bags to help with disposing of the crap that was created.

The pile was a good ten feet high.

"Me Swoop remember not to eat any humans," he said

"Me Slag also agree no more eating humans," he said

Nodding they got to work.

IN THE MEANTIME

"Sarah give me those photos!" Mike yelled as he chased them on foot.

TBC


End file.
